I can't seem to fathom that the things important to me are not important to other people as well, and so I come off sounding like a missionary, someone whose job is to convert rather than listen. ......
He spends a lot of time telling you how smart he is, which is odd because, if you’re truly all that bright, people can usually figure it out on their own.
He led me to the barn, where a Mexican man stood waiting for his turn at the shower. Whole-aah, Toe-moss, he shouted.
Greeks are just Jews without money.
Given enough time, I guess anything can look good. All it has to do is survive.
Everyone in America is extremely concerned with hydration. Go more than five minutes without drinking, and you’ll surely be discovered behind a potted plant, dried out like some escaped hermit crab. W...
Every gathering has its moment. As an adult, I distract myself by trying to identify it, dreading the inevitable downsing that is sure to follow.
Cu exceptia Lisei, noi nu imbratisam pe nimeni. In ceea ce priveste confortul emotional, aveam convinderea ca niciun fel de contact fizic nu ar fi putut egala puterile vindecatoare ale unui cocktail b...
College is the best thing that can ever happen to you, my father used to say, and he was right, for it was there that I discovered drugs, drinking, and smoking..
Cand ne certam, tehnica lui tata era intotdeauna sa nege dorintele pe care ni le exprimam. Doca voiai, sa zicem, un teanc de clatite, nu-ti spunea ca nu ti le ia, ci ca tu, de fapt, nici nu le voiai.S...
All I do is fly, so one-upping Ann was pretty easy. A few years back, at a book signing, I met a pilot, I began. He flew the Newark to Palm Beach route, right? So it’s December twenty-third, and as th...
Pretty much everything that isn’t terrible is awesome in America now.
Now the room has the contours and atmosphere of all rooms in which people stay awake talking. The fluorescent light is grainy, staring. The clutter on the kitchen table—ketchup bottle, sagging butter...
North Carolina is temperate and populated with well-meaning people; therefore I will engage in oral sex with another man.
June 3, 1987 Chicago This afternoon I found a $50 bill in the foyer of the building near the mailboxes. It was folded thin and full of cocaine. Some of it spilled when I opened it up, but there’s stil...
I’m often misunderstood at my supermarket in Sussex, not because of my accent but because I tend to deviate from the script. Cashier: Hello, how are you this evening? Me: Has your house ever been burg...
It was the stupidest thing the cat had ever heard of, an AA program in prison.
It was the artist’s duty to find the appropriate objects, and the audience’s job to decipher meaning. If the piece failed to work, it was their fault, not yours.
I won't put in a load of laundry, because the machine is too loud and would drown out other, more significant noises - namely, the shuffling footsteps of the living dead.
I told myself that if I looked at my brother differently, it was because of the suit, not the weight. He was a grown man now. He was going to get married, and therefore, he was a changed person.He too...