Lisa and I groaned, cursing our stupidity. Once again we’d been duped. There was nothing worse than spending an afternoon on a golf course. We knew what was in store for us and understood that the nex...
Like everything else, holiday gifts escalate. The presents get better and better until one year you decide you don’t need anything else and start making donations to animal shelters. Even if you hate...
It’s not lost on me that I’m so busy recording life, I don’t have time to really live it. I’ve become like one of those people I hate, the sort who go to the museum and, instead of looking at the magn...
It's not that I don't have opinions about these things. I just don't feel they're in any way special. Sure, I follow the news. I read the papers and listen to the radio, but I'm not privy to any insid...
It was like seeing someone who wore a striped tie or parted his hair on the left — a detail, but not a telling one.
It made no sense naturewise—owls and songbirds work different shifts, and even if they didn’t they would still never be friends.
In my experience, it was hard to write without your preferred tools, but impossible to write without a cigarette.
Imi place sa vad oamenii dezbracati, dar nu sunt sigur ca sunt pregatit sa ma vad pe mine dezbracat. Cel mult voi scapa de cateva kilorame din cauza anxietatii si voi iesi castigat de doua ori. Cu cat...
If you see devils, they lock you up, but in America, if you see angels, they put you on morning TV.
IT IS HIS BIRTHDAY, and Hugh and I are seated in a New York restaurant, awaiting the arrival of our fifteen-word entrées. He looks very nice, dressed in the suit and sweater that have always belonged...
I'm not a misogynist. I'm a misanthrope. I hate everyone equally.
I was a smart-ass, born and raised. This had been my curse and would continue to be so.
I think we’ve both seen this coming for a long… time. The only question left is… what are we going to do about it? Oh, baby, let’s run wild.
I spent months searching for some secret code before I realized that common sense has nothing to do with it. Hysteria, psychosis, torture, depression: I was told that if something is unpleasant it's p...
I needed to temper (my dad's) enthusiasm a bit (about attending Princeton), and so I announced that I would be majoring in patricide...My mom was actually jealous.
I need to touch the person’s head again. Experience has taught me that you can do this three times before the head’s owner either yells at you or rings for the flight attendant.
I looked from face to face, exaggerating flaws and reminding myself that these boys did not like me. The hope was that I might crush any surviving atom attraction, but as has been the case for my enti...
I look into the future and see my brother's face, impossibly middle-aged. His daughter has rejected all of his values, and stands now on the dais of a major university, the valedictorian preparing to...
I had not laid a finger on the boy's head. I have never poked or prodded either a baby or a child, so why did I feel so dirty? Part of it was just my makeup, the deep-seated belief that I deserve a ba...
I can’t remember the last time I’ve enjoyed silence in an American theater. It’s easy to believe that our audiences spend the day saying nothing, actually saving their voices for the moment the pictur...