You’re trying to convince me? Amy asked. The one who has a second apartment two blocks from her first apartment just so she can get away from her rabbit for a couple of hours a day?
Even then that without them, I was nothing. Not a son or a brother but just a boy—and
Inhabited by hopeless, motor-mouthed simpletons, drifting from a bad place to somewhere even worse. If you’re lucky, people on the bus will wake you in order to borrow a cigarette. The man occupying t...
Or the class moron will go on to become the president of the United States—though that’s more likely to happen at Harvard or Yale, schools that will pretty much let in anybody.
Started feeling real sorry for everybody, even though they were screaming and acting silly. I thought about how much work it was to have fun, and how brave we all were for going to the trouble, since...
The taste of warm rain; the smell of a baby; the din of a swollen river, rushing past her tree and onward to infinity.
There's a reason regular people don't appear on TV: we're boring.
It was my friend Frank, a writer in San Francisco, who finally set me straight. When asked about my new look he put down his fork and stared at me for a few moments. "A bow tie announces to the world...
A Japanese woman we’d met in Paris came to the apartment yesterday and spent several hours explaining our appliances. The microwave, the water kettle, the electric bathtub: everything blinks and bleep...
A few hours laterDad called again. The vet had put his Great Dane, Sophie, on antibiotics, and, figuring it was all basically the same thing, he had started taking them. I'm just not sure of the dose,...
A few years later, in the midst of a brief academic setback, she trained him to act as her emotional cheerleader. I'd call and hear him in the background, screaming, We love you, Lisa! and You can do...
A guy needs a place where he can gaze into the ocean and sort things out. It
A young couple strolls by, the adoration of one bouncing off the tolerance of the other.
Across town, over in the East Village, the graffiti was calling for the rich to be eaten, imprisoned, or taxed out of existence. Though it sometimes seemed like a nice idea, I hoped the revolution wou...
And it’s bad enough to be caught in your underpants but even worse to be caught in your underpants scratching out a valium prescription on someone else’s pad.
As a business traveler, you'll likely be met at your destination by someone who asks, So, how was your flight? This, as if there are interesting variations and you might answer, The live orchestra was...
As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts. By this I meant that I would stop living in a fantasy world; that, while standing in line for a hamburger or my shot...
Asking for candy on Halloween was called trick-or-treating, but asking for candy on November first was called begging, and it made people uncomfortable.
At a chain coffee bar in San Francisco, I saw a sign near the cream counter that read NAPKINS COME FROM TREES — CONSERVE! In case you missed the first sign, there was a second one two feet away, readi...
Because that’s really something I can’t stand — when people refer to themselves as crazy. The truly crazy are labeled so on the grounds that they see nothing wrong with their behavior. They forge ahea...
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