Dad said that the guy who can play guitar is going to be the life of the party. He’s confusing life with death.
Dad followed his I’m-So-Disappointed speech with a lecture on career opportunities. You’re going to study literature and get a job doing what? he said. Literaturizing?
By Thanksgiving I was imagining people naked rather than dead and naked, which was an improvement.
Broke a nail clean off, and when it grew back it looked like a Brazil nut.
As bad a dresser as I am, anything beats being judged by my character.
And he always has a fantastic body, shown at its best on the cross, which—face it—was practically designed to make a man’s stomach and shoulders look good.
And I'm here to tell you that, as long as you keep your eyes shut, it's really not that bad.
After I die, and you read something bad about yourself in my diary, do yourself a favor and keep reading, I often say to Hugh. I promise that on the next page you’ll find something flattering. Or mayb...
A guy needs a place where he can gaze into the ocean and sort things out. It
A Japanese woman we’d met in Paris came to the apartment yesterday and spent several hours explaining our appliances. The microwave, the water kettle, the electric bathtub: everything blinks and bleep...
Inhabited by hopeless, motor-mouthed simpletons, drifting from a bad place to somewhere even worse. If you’re lucky, people on the bus will wake you in order to borrow a cigarette. The man occupying t...
Even then that without them, I was nothing. Not a son or a brother but just a boy—and
You’d have to be blind, deaf, and dumb not to know what you’re getting yourself into, so if there’s blame, blame yourself.
You have what we in France call ‘good time teeth,’ she said. Why on earth would you want to change them? Um, because I can floss with the sash to my bathrobe?
You have how many children in your family? the teacher would ask. I'm guessing you must be Catholic, am I right?
When I was this kid's age, you'd be burned alive for such talk. Being a homosexual was unthinkable, and so you denied it, and found a girlfriend who was willing to settle for the sensitive type. On da...
What looks good now is guaranteed to embarrass you twenty years down the line, which is, of course, the whole problem with fashion.
We were very crowded today and I got a kick out of completing the transaction, handing the customer a receipt, and saying, Your photos will be mailed on August tenth.
Watch, hell,' Walt said. 'This is strip poker. What kind of homo wants to sit around and watch four guys get naked?
This left me alone to solve the coffee problem - a sort of catch-22, as in order to think straight I need caffeine, and in order to make that happen I need to think straight.