The approach of Christmas signifies three things: bad movies, unforgivable television, and even worse theater. I’m talking bone-crushing theater, the type our ancient ancestors used to oppress their e...
The fake slap invariably makes contact, adding the elements of shock and betrayal to what had previously been plain old-fashioned fear.
The fetus was minute - a congregation of loitering cells - and as with anything that informal, there was a good chance that it might disperse.
The guilt applies only to those things that are being given away for free.
The hippo did, and I heard what sounded at first like a rabble, many voices talking over one another. Then I realized that they weren’t talking.Let me get this straight, the hippo said when I explaine...
The real life of the party is flattened beneath the bed, taping actual sex encounters, not sitting cross-legged on the floor with a guitar, embarrassing himself and others.
The rules were just different back then, especially in regard to corporal punishment. Not only could you hit your own children, but you could also hit other people’s.
The thing about Hawaii, at least the part that is geared toward tourists, is that it’s exactly what it promises to be. Step off the plane, and someone places a lei around your neck, as if it were some...
The woman had decided that I was a hard-ass, one of those guys who refuse under any circumstances to do anyone a favor. But it's not true. I just prefer that the favor be idea, and that it leaves me...
The word love was replaced by a heart shape I’m guessing they’ll put on the typewriter keyboard any day now, right beside the exclamation point.
Their house had real hard-cover books in it, and you often saw them lying open on the sofa, the words still warm from being read.
There were no computers in my high school, and the first two times I attempted college, people were still counting on their fingers and removing their shoes when the numbers got above ten.
These people were the only contact I had outside of the men and women who picked me up hitchhiking back and forth to work every day. I’d arrive at the shop, listen to Christian radio, get blessed out...
These tabloids only want to exploit. They don’t understand this woman and her life. They don’t understand you, let alone someone like me. If you want my opinion, they’re nothing but savages and we’d b...
This town is the Greek Baltimore.
This was for me one of those adult moments involving a choice. Do you shrug your shoulders and say, I couldn’t get it to work either, or do you tell the woman she spent the weekend trying to open a wi...
Time is cruel to everything but seems to have singled out eyeglasses for special punishment. What looks good now is guaranteed to embarrass you twenty years down the line, which is, of course, the who...
To know the narrative in advance is to turn yourself into a machine, the Manager continues. What makes humans human is precisely that they do not know the future. That is why they do the fateful and a...
To spend your days in the company of naked men - that was the life for me.
True art was based upon despair, and the important thing was to make yourself and those around you as miserable as possible.
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