Motherfucker, you try that again and I'll come in there with a fucking coat hanger and give you something to fucking kick about
Motherfucker, you haven't got the fucking balls God gave a goddamned church mouse. You crawled out of your mama's tattered old pussy, grabbed hold of her milk stained titties, and you ain't never look...
Most people would have found it grotesque, but when you're in love nothing is so abstract or horrible that it can't be thought of as cute.
Most of my ribbons were for good sportsmanship, a backhanded compliment if ever there was one.
Most movies and TV shows get drugs wrong. Someone takes a bong hit and spends the next few hours laughing uncontrollably. Someone takes acid and steps into the Sergeant Pepper cover. Six Feet Under ge...
Me: Did you get your tree yet? Ken: I’m a Jew, I don’t decorate Christmas trees. Me: So you’re going to go with a wreath instead? Ken: I just told you, I’m a Jew. Me: Oh, I get it. You’re looking for...
Me: Did you get your tree yet?Ken: I'm a Jew, I don't decorate Christmas trees.Me: So you're going to go with a wreath instead?Ken: I just told you, I'm a Jew.Me: Oh, I get it. You're looking for a ch...
Like anyone nostalgic for a time he didn't live through, I chose to weed out the little inconveniences: polio, say, or the thought of eating stewed squirrel. The world was simply grander back then, so...
Later that night I met a Bulgarian. In my country, you say to someone you hate, ‘May you build a house from your kidney stones.’ Well, finally, I thought.
I’ve been around for nearly half a century, yet still I’m afraid of everything and everyone. A child sits beside me on a plane and I make conversation, thinking how stupid I must sound. The downstairs...
I’m surrounded by people who have more money than they know what to do with, and none of them have earned it.
I’m going to have you fired! and I wanted to lean over and say, I’m going to have you killed.
I’d been at the plant for three weeks when Curly invited me to his trailer for a drink. He lived just outside Hood River in a double-wide he shared with his mother, a woman he often spoke about. I tol...
It’s common to be misread by people who don’t know you.
It's astonishing the amount of time that certain straight people devote to gay sex - trying to determine what goes where and how often. They can't imagine any system outside their own, and seem obsess...
It was the look you get when facing a sudden and insurmountable danger: the errant truck, the shaky ladder, the crazy person who pins you to the linoleum and insists, with increasing urgency, that eve...
It seems crazy to cut smoking mothers out of textbooks, but within a few years they won't be allowed in movies either. A woman can throw her newborn child from the roof of a high-rise building. She ca...
It really is torture to sit around the house and write all day. I’m thinking it might motivate me to finish the book faster, the thought that after it’s finished I can return to housecleaning. The
It make one's mouth hurt to speak with such forced merriment.
It bothered me that the bag bothered me more than head did, but what are you going to do? A person doesn't conciously choose what he focuses on. Those things choose you, and, once they do, nothing, it...