Most movies and TV shows get drugs wrong. Someone takes a bong hit and spends the next few hours laughing uncontrollably. Someone takes acid and steps into the Sergeant Pepper cover. Six Feet Under ge...
Most of my ribbons were for good sportsmanship, a backhanded compliment if ever there was one.
Most people would have found it grotesque, but when you're in love nothing is so abstract or horrible that it can't be thought of as cute.
Motherfucker, you haven't got the fucking balls God gave a goddamned church mouse. You crawled out of your mama's tattered old pussy, grabbed hold of her milk stained titties, and you ain't never look...
Motherfucker, you try that again and I'll come in there with a fucking coat hanger and give you something to fucking kick about
My hands tend to be full enough dealing with people who hate me for _who_ I am. Concentrate too hard on the millions who hate you for _what_ you are and you're likely to turn into one of those unkempt...
Nothing irritated her more than these high-and-mighty vegetarians who ate meat sometimes and then decided that it didn’t really count.
On the off chance my caller would tell me to quit drinking, I positioned myself on the sofa with two six-packs and a bottle of nice scotch. Then I turned on the TV and ate a sandwich made from leftove...
Our neighbors would rise early and visit the malls, snatching up gift-wrapped Dustbusters and the pom-pommed socks used to protect the heads of golf clubs. Christmas would arrive and we, the people of...
Poor, chubby Annette Kelper, who desperately tries to pretend that nobody notices the fact that she’s balding on top of her head. That’s right. Look closely — balding just like a man. Perhaps Randy fe...
Rather than admit defeat, I decided to change goals.
Real trouble doesn’t walk around with a ponytail. It doesn’t have a Mohawk or special shoelace patterns. Real trouble has a bad complexion and a Windbreaker.
Right, I breast feed baby camels in my backyard just for the freaking fun of it. Just tell me where you live, Pinocchio, and save the baloney for lunch.
September 12, 2001 Paris Last night on TV I watched people jump from the windows of the World Trade Center.
Shit is the tofu of cursing and can be molded to whichever condition the speaker desires.
So which do you like better,State or Carolina? She was referring to the athletic rivalry between the Triangle area's two largest universities...Definitely State. State all the way.
Someone stopped Mitch on the street last night and said, I need another seventy-five cents so I can buy a cheeseburger. How about helping me? Mitch said, Get it without the cheese, and continued walki...
Standing in a two-hour line makes people worry that they're not living in a democratic nation.
Strip to your underwear, she told me, and I said, D’accord. As the woman turned to leave, she said something else, and, looking back, I really should have asked her to repeat it, to draw a picture if...
That all is right with the world. Man, oh man, he’ll say in my memory, lifting his glass and taking us all in, isn’t this just fantastic
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