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David Sedaris Quote

Sex, the driver said, Has no one ever told you about it?I took the New York Times from my carry-on bag and pretended to read, an act that apparently explained it all.Ohhh, the driver said, I understand. You do not like pussy. You like the dick. Is that it? I brought the paper close to my face, and he stuck his arm through the little window and slapped the back of his seat. David, he said, David, listen to me when I am talking to you. I asked do you like the dick?I just work, I told him. I work, and then I go home, and then I work some more. I was trying to set a good example, trying to be the person I'd imagined him to be, but it was a lost cause.I fucky-fuck every day, he boasted. Two women. I have a wife and another girl for the weekend. Two kind of pussy. Are you sure you no like to fucky-fuck? If forced to, I can live with the word pussy, but fucky-fuck was making me carsick. That is not a real word, I told him. You can say fuck, but fucky-fuck is just nonsense. Nobody talks that way. You will never get ahead with that kind of language.Traffic thickened because of an accident, and, as we slowed to a stop, the driver ran his tongue over his lips. Fucky-fuck, he repeated. I fucky-fucky-fucky fuck.

David Sedaris

Sex, the driver said, Has no one ever told you about it?I took the New York Times from my carry-on bag and pretended to read, an act that apparently explained it all.Ohhh, the driver said, I understand. You do not like pussy. You like the dick. Is that it? I brought the paper close to my face, and he stuck his arm through the little window and slapped the back of his seat. David, he said, David, listen to me when I am talking to you. I asked do you like the dick?I just work, I told him. I work, and then I go home, and then I work some more. I was trying to set a good example, trying to be the person I'd imagined him to be, but it was a lost cause.I fucky-fuck every day, he boasted. Two women. I have a wife and another girl for the weekend. Two kind of pussy. Are you sure you no like to fucky-fuck? If forced to, I can live with the word pussy, but fucky-fuck was making me carsick. That is not a real word, I told him. You can say fuck, but fucky-fuck is just nonsense. Nobody talks that way. You will never get ahead with that kind of language.Traffic thickened because of an accident, and, as we slowed to a stop, the driver ran his tongue over his lips. Fucky-fuck, he repeated. I fucky-fucky-fucky fuck.

Tags: humor, sex

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About David Sedaris

David Raymond Sedaris (; born December 26, 1956) is an American humorist, comedian, author, and radio contributor. He was publicly recognized in 1992 when National Public Radio broadcast his essay "Santaland Diaries". He published his first collection of essays and short stories, Barrel Fever, in 1994. His next book, Naked (1997), became his first of a series of New York Times Bestsellers, and his 2000 collection Me Talk Pretty One Day won the Thurber Prize for American Humor.
Much of Sedaris's humor is ostensibly autobiographical and self-deprecating and often concerns his family life, his middle-class upbringing in the suburbs of Raleigh, North Carolina, his Greek heritage, homosexuality, jobs, education, drug use, and obsessive behaviors, as well as his life in France, London, New York, and the South Downs in England. He is the brother and writing collaborator of actress Amy Sedaris.
In 2019, Sedaris was elected to the American Academy of Arts and Letters.