I'm in show business... I want to hang out with Janet Jackson, not Jesse Jackson.
Hollywood's just not funny.
The thing that surprised me the most is just how much money women that weren't rich were paying for their hair. When you're in a beauty parlor in Harlem next to abandoned buildings and somebody's payi...
I've seen women who don't have great relationships with their dads, and it all comes down to this: You have to tell girls you love them every day.
Music is the soundtrack to the crappy movie that is my life.
Dude, I didn't say Jude Law can't act. I didn't say Jude Law was in bad movies. I just said he's in every movie.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy.
President of the United States is you know, our boss, so you know, the President and the First Lady are kinda like the Mom and the Dad of the country. And when your Dad says something you listen.
There's some downsides to being famous, which are not even worth mentioning. But to combat the bad sides of being famous, you really should take advantage of the good sides. The good sides are, you ca...
Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.
Funny is only something that others know about you - you can't be funny by yourself.
I have no idea what my best material is. Different people like different things. I'll say this: The political stuff gets the press, but the relationship jokes sell all the seats.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it's your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You're probably not gonna get...