Buck Nance used Lane Coolman's phone to call Krystal. 'Baby, I'm coming home soon,' he said.'Who's this?''Aw, don't be like that.''Wait... now I remember, said his wife. 'You're the scumbag husband wh...
As he was pulled underwater for the final time, terror gave way to abject humiliation: he was being fucked to death by a damn fish.
Horse’s ass,
As a lobbyist he had long ago concluded there was no difference in how Democrats and Republicans conducted the business of government. The game stayed the same: It was always about favors and friends,...
We're much more efficient at carnage now. Try your very hardest not to participate.
The writers had decided that Buck Nance's brothers should refer to him as 'Captain Cock' when quarreling on the show, and inevitably the sleeveless t-shirt bearing that nickname became the top seller...
The message, never stated but avuncularly implied, is that America’s values ought to reflect those of the Walt Disney Company and not the other way around.
The hostess remembered three customers arriving in a black SUV the night before. One of the men, skinny but rough-looking, became belligerent because the restaurant served only beer and wine. The host...
The dog was having a grand time. That's the thing about being a Labrador Retriever, you were born for fun. Seldom was your loopy, freewheeling mind cluttered by contemplation and never at all by sombe...
The detective had moved to Fort Lauderdale from St. Paul because his wife had inexplicably yearned to experience humidity. A decade later she was back in the Twin Cities and Rolvaag was still in Flori...
The deceased was a well-known scumbucket and they don’t usually have the decency to kill themselves. Usually someone else does the honor.
Stranahan told her not to mistake arrogance for pride. A guy like Chaz can revive his ego with the palm of his hand.
Stranahan didn’t consider himself an eccentric or a hermit, even though at age fifty-three he lived alone on an island at the edge of the Atlantic with no landline, satellite dish or personal computer...
Spending time with Benny the Blister had shaken Buck Nance's confidence in the superiority of the white male. He and his brothers had clung to such views since their Romberg youth, warped by their fat...
So with the endorsement of the Chamber of Commerce, in 1980 Sparky Harper invited fifty travel writers from all newspapers all across North America to come to Miami during Orange Bowl Week and sail th...
Only because you’re injured, she said, and kissed him again. He pulled her close. How’s this going to work with all these stitches? Do I have to keep standing? Well, whispered Rosa, I suppose you coul...
One day he came home to find her burning his collection of heavy-metal CDs, which she had taken to calling devil wafers. She
Okay, I'll adopt a kid. That would be huge. No, three kids! Tell Maury to get all over it.''Honey, no,' Janet Bunterman said. She endeavored to squelch the idea without stating the obvious: that her d...
Now, re-reading Macauley by firelight, Sammy Tigertail struggled to envision the noble and fiercely insulated culture so admiringly documented in those pages. He wondered what the journalist-preacher...
Nobody from the Amazing Kingdom bothered to check with previous employers, such as the New York City Police Department, to inquire about allegations of bribery, moral turpitude, substance abuse, witne...