A.Q., Keyes remembered, stood for Asshole Quotient. Skip Wiley had a well-known theory that the quality of life declined in direct proportion to the Asshole Quotient. According to Wiley's reckoning, M...
Sucking on a football.
His mother wanted him closer to home. The funeral had been
You know what this is? A test, that's what. That slippery, hot-blooded weasel is trying to push me as far as he can. He thinks I'm not tough enough. He wants mucho macho. He wants machetes and machine...
Wiley’s behavior had lately become so odd that younger reporters who once sought his counsel were now fearful of his ravings, and they avoided him.
When Erin arrived, she saw an old man stretched out on the floor. He was surrounded by young medical technicians in blue jumpsuits. One of them knelt beside the lifeless form, thumping the man's chest...
Well, apparently, I'm trying to fix the entire human race, one flaming asshole at a time.
This is not a well person. This is a man who put a shock collar on your husband, a man who gets high off frog slime. He's done things you don't want to know about, probably even killed people.''At lea...
The whereabouts of the other Nance brothers-- Clee Roy, Buddy, and Junior--had been ascertained. They were chilling at the forty-acre Pensacola estate leased by the network and used as an outdoor set...
The message, never stated but avuncularly implied, is that America’s values ought to reflect those of the Walt Disney Company and not the other way around.
The gunshots awakened Mr. Ullman, a banker by trade and a recent arrival from Copenhagen, who looked out the bedroom window just in time to see a tremendous bull galloping across his yard with a thras...
The dog was having a grand time. That's the thing about being a Labrador Retriever, you were born for fun. Seldom was your loopy, freewheeling mind cluttered by contemplation and never at all by sombe...
The deceased was a well-known scumbucket and they don’t usually have the decency to kill themselves. Usually someone else does the honor.
The answer is, nothing's going to happen to you. The friend who called, he put in a good word.''Oh, yeah?''Jail will not make an impression on this woman. Don't waste your time.' That's a quote.
Skip, that’s one of about forty things on my list. It isn’t funny anymore. You’re fucking up on a regular basis. You miss deadlines, you libel people, you invent ludicrous facts and put them in the pa...
Okay, I'll adopt a kid. That would be huge. No, three kids! Tell Maury to get all over it.''Honey, no,' Janet Bunterman said. She endeavored to squelch the idea without stating the obvious: that her d...
Nope. He lives over in Boca Raton. Oh fuck, Red. I know, it’s hor’ble. That’s how come the five hundred a day.
No fooling, Keyes thought. He had arrived in Miami in 1979 from a small newspaper in suburban Baltimore. There was nothing original about why he’d left for Florida—a better job, no snow, plenty of sun...
No deliberative body is manifestly less qualified to make decisions about public education than our state Legislature. With a few shining exceptions, most of these clowns don’t read, can’t write, and...
Neighbors were divided on the question of whether Mrs. Braden had been excessive in her reaction. Witnesses agreed that Jesse had been a prodigious sinner, and often conducted himself in a manner that...