The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.
To me a real patriot is like a real friend. Who's your real friend? It's the person who tells you the truth. That's who my real friends are. So, you know, I think as far as our country goes, we need m...
We are a nation that is unenlightened because of religion. I do believe that. I think religion stops people from thinking. I think it justified crazies.
New Rule: Stop calling bagpipes a musical instrument. They're actually a Scottish Breathalyzer test. You blow into one end, and if the sound that comes out the other end doesn't make you want to kill...
New Rule: It's okay for the president to play ball in the house. It's easy to judge and say this scene detracts from the dignity of the White House--until you consider the end zone is between Clinton'...
New Rule: Instead of killing 99.9 percent of germs, Lysol has to just go ahead and kill them all. Why spare the remaining 0.1 percent? So they can return to their villages and tell the other germs, Du...
New Rule: Conservatives have to stop rolling their eyes every time they hear the word France. Like just calling something French is the ultimate argument winner. As if to say, What can you say about a...
New Rule: Colin Firth has to admit that he's not a human being but a robot designed by women as the perfect man. He's handsome, charming, witty, he's got that accent and a gay best friend...the only w...
I don't respect thinking that is dangerous, prejudicial, childish, and could get me killed.
Don't you miss the days when America was just MORALLY bankrupt?
If we stopped calling it profiling and started calling it "proactive intelligence screening" or "high alert detecting", people would be saying "Well, it's about time".
Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.
I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.
We are oblivious to suffering. We are cheap with charity if it's not close to our home.
New Rule: Whenever you think the Tea Party can't get any dumber, they get dumber. Now they're in love with Donald Trump. Because nothing says We're serious about fiscal responsibility quite like a bil...
New Rule: The person who sat in my seat on the flight before me and could not finish the magazine crossword puzzle has to be ashamed of themselves. I don't know who you are, but Desperate _____wives?...
New Rule: Stop putting psychedelic screensavers on computers. I sit down to check my e-mail, and the next thing I know it's three days later, I'm in the desert, I'm banging on a drum, I'm naked, and s...
New Rule: Americans must realize what makes NFL football so great: socialism. That's right, the NFL takes money from the rich teams and gives it to the poorer one...just like President Obama wants to...
Just like in the workplace, women who are good workers are the best workers.
It is not a surprise that a person would want to be a prophet. What's ridiculous is that other people let him.