New Rule: Getting up close and personal with sharks doesn't make you a wildlife enthusiast--it makes you dinner. An Austrian tourist wanted to get face-to-face with sharks, so he went diving in waters...
New Rule: America must stop bragging it's the greatest country on earth, and start acting like it. I know this is uncomfortable for the faith over facts crowd, but the greatness of a country can, to a...
It's not that we don't care--it's just that that we'd prefer not to get involved.
After September 11th, I never much liked the trend of everyone and his brother wearing the hats and jackets of the NYPD and FDNY. Only the people who do the job should get to wear the hat. Would you w...
New Rule: If you're one of the one-in-three married women who say your pet is a better listener than your husband, you talk too much. And I have some bad news for you: Your dog's not listening, either...
What Democratic congressmen do to their women staffers, Republican congressmen do to the country.
I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?
Too many in America lead with their emotions when it comes to the flag, becoming illogically protective.Hell, the British treat national symbol, the Royal Family, way worse, and they're !
New Rule: Stop pretending your drugs are morally superior to my drugs because you get yours at a store. This week, they released the autopsy report on Anna Nicole Smith, and the cause of death was wha...
New Rule: If you married a manic-depressive, three of your children died, and while you were president civil war broke out and someone shot you in the head, your coin really shouldn't say, In God We T...
Isn't it time we asked ourselves, are we willing to accept any behavior codified within religious or cultural practice? Is there no line to be drawn? If honor killings are okay, then why not virgin sa...
I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.
New Rule: Instead of using their $10 billion atom-smashing Large Hadron Collider to re-create the Big Bang by melting atom parts in temperatures a million times hotter than the sun, scientists should...
New Rule: Americans have to come up with a better cheese to represent the nation than American cheese. I'm not even sure American cheese is cheese. I think it's aged Jell-O. And it doesn't need to be...
For months in the fall of 2001, our highways looked like a county fair on wheels. Look out, Al-Qaeda---patriot on board! I once saw a guy with five flags tell a guy with four flags to go back to Afgha...
Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake--you know, to send the right message to kids.
Brave Americans in past wars didn't die for the actual flag--they died for the freedom it represents, including the freedom to burn it.
New Rule: Gay marriage won't lead to dog marriage. It is not a slippery slope to rampant inter-species coupling. When women got the right to vote, it didn't lead to hamsters voting. No court has exten...
New Rule: Food companies must face the facts: One container equals one serving. Look, we’re Americans, and that means once we open the bag, there’s no stopping us until we’re licking stray bits of pow...
The Bible looks like it started out as a game of mad libs.