I AM loving. I treat the people in my life so well. I am warm and affectionate with my friends, my family, my girlfriend, and my cats. People around me can feel my warmth and love.
During my public speaker training, I learned it is inevitable that I will sometimes misspeak, stumble over my words, or make some sort of mistake. This prospect used to terrify me, and it was one of t...
A powerful way to overcome your fear of eye contact is to engage in the Smile and Hello Practice discussed earlier. This involves walking down a busy street and making eye contact with as many people...
Your purpose could simply be to enjoy yourself, to fully listen to another person and hear about her life, or to share something interesting with someone else. Your purpose could be vulnerability and...
When anxious, you might tend to look away frequently, and keep your eyes cast down towards the floor.
There are three ways to respond to your critic that you might find particularly helpful: defense, questioning, and acceptance. The first way is to directly challenge your critic, saying something like...
The third step of creating self-compassion is learning how to give this kind of empathy to yourself. Instead of trying to talk yourself out of your feelings, or criticizing yourself for having the fee...
The mask is an essential part of life that helps us function in our world. Is there a problem with the mask? Yes. When we believe we have to wear the mask at all times because of our fear of judgment,...
The best way to break the trance is to start asking yourself specific questions that will help you see the situation clearly.
Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway (New York: Random House, 1987) Susan Jeffers
Being nice does not come out of goodness or high morals. It comes out of a fear of displeasing others and receiving their disapproval. It’s driven by fear, not virtue.
While it might sound abrasive and harsh, your critic is actually a very scared, vulnerable part of you. Even though your critic seems tough, chances are it is terrified of
Susan Jeffers’ book, entitled Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway (New York: Random House, 1987) is a quick, powerful read that can help you dramatically change the way you see fear.
Speaking in front of a group was one of the worst experiences I could imagine. As I worked through the same process that you are working through now, I began to move towards what scares me, rather tha...
Rather than being a single entity, you can view yourself as a collection of different parts. Part of you wants to eat a pizza, and part of you wants to get the salad because it is healthier. Part of y...
Instead of assuming disapproval, dislike and rejection, you can assume approval, friendliness, and engagement. This technique requires asking yourself a question before you engage in a social interact...
By now, however, you have realized that the pattern of avoidance produces relief in the short term, but tends to cause more fear and restriction down the road. One simple way to shift your pattern of...
A friend and teacher of mine, Dr. Matthew May, once told me that the way to get over rejection is to take many rejection inoculations. Much like an inoculation, if you take regular, small doses of rej...
A final way to experiment with exposure to eye contact is to decide to sustain eye contact with people when you are listening to them. As they are talking, allow yourself to look directly into one of...
When we face rejection, it can be a poignant time to tap into our desire, motivation, drive, and passion to pursue what we most want. • Why do I want this? • Why does it matter to me? • Am I willing t...