The first time I stumbled across this principle, I thought it was a fluke. But as I practiced doing this each time I made a mistake, it became very clear to me that people did not seem to notice the m...
The problem with assuming disapproval is that we tend to perceive, and even actively create, what we expect to happen in our lives. If you are certain that someone is not going to like you, then when...
The more you can simply feel the emotion without going into a story about why you were not good enough, the more quickly it will pass through you. This disappointment can serve to remind you
Is what we communicate with our eyes. The way we look at someone can communicate trust, distrust, dislike, hatred, admiration, joy, and even love. When we want to connect with someone on a deeper leve...
Personalizing is a term used to describe taking too much personal responsibility for a situation that involves multiple people and multiple elements. It occurs when we conclude that the rejection was...
Les Brown is an incredibly inspiring speaker who strongly encourages people to pursue their dreams with passion and persistence. His book It’s Not Over Until You Win (New York: Fireside, 1997) contain...
I have identified other parts as well. The part of me that is terribly frightened that something might go wrong in the future is The Blind Prophet.
The same holds true for social anxiety—which we can also call social phobia, or social fear. In this case, you’re afraid that others will judge, ridicule, dislike, or reject you. As you work your way...
Something powerful happens inside of us when we make the shift from avoidance to approach when it comes to fear. Your fear hierarchy is precisely designed to help you make this shift. Instead of viewi...
Say each phrase out loud, with emphasis, energy, and emotional intensity. Keep in mind that you may have repeated negative statements about your weaknesses thousands of times over the years. In order...
If you do not plan on speaking publicly, this communication secret can help ensure that others are hearing you clearly, and are listening to what you’re saying. It will also help you gain greater resp...
Sometimes when we attack ourselves, we feel like we are the only ones suffering in a particular way. This can lead to feelings of personal inadequacy and loneliness, which can exacerbate an already ov...
Speaking in front of a group was one of the worst experiences I could imagine. As I worked through the same process that you are working through now, I began to move towards what scares me, rather tha...
The main takeaway here is that rejection not only could mean something else, it most always does. The key is to first become aware of the fact that your idea of its meaning—that you are at fault, that...
When anxious, you might tend to look away frequently, and keep your eyes cast down towards the floor.
During my public speaker training, I learned it is inevitable that I will sometimes misspeak, stumble over my words, or make some sort of mistake. This prospect used to terrify me, and it was one of t...
By now, however, you have realized that the pattern of avoidance produces relief in the short term, but tends to cause more fear and restriction down the road. One simple way to shift your pattern of...
Being nice does not come out of goodness or high morals. It comes out of a fear of displeasing others and receiving their disapproval. It’s driven by fear, not virtue.
The most basic way to begin this practice is to consciously increase your speaking volume to a level that is in the normal-to-loud range. This is the volume that is loud enough so that everyone can he...
A powerful way to overcome your fear of eye contact is to engage in the Smile and Hello Practice discussed earlier. This involves walking down a busy street and making eye contact with as many people...
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