“ Although I was able to maintain a pleasant expression, I was mentally throwing up in her face. Augusten Burroughs
“ I want to write something that means something to someone...the reminds them of what a second, a moment, really is...or that assures them that we are just as lost as they are. I want to write an emoti… Augusten Burroughs
“ He continues to smile expectantly. I take a step back. I don't want to catch whatever he has. He is a disturbing out-of-uniform Santa. Augusten Burroughs
“ I used to feel so alone in the city. All those gazillions of people and then me, on the outside. Because how do you meet a new person? I was very stunned by this for many years. And then I realized, y… Augusten Burroughs
“ I was desperate to discover what nothing felt like. It was the absence of something that attracted me. It was the start. Everything important originated with nothingness. Augusten Burroughs
“ I liked his attention. But I also felt like there was something sick and wrong about it. Like it might make me sick later. I thought of my grandmother, my father's mother. How when I used to visit her… Augusten Burroughs
“ I think people tend to see the bigger point, which is maybe not fitting in and feeling like you didn't have the childhood that you expected you would have, or that you felt lonely or struggled with dr… Augusten Burroughs
“ Real optimism is not the pep talk you give yourself. It is earned through the labor involved in emotional housekeeping. Augusten Burroughs
“ I think out of seven billion people, there is probably more than just one soul mate. Surely, the paid employee in charge of each person's love life has taken into account the possibility of fatal snak… Augusten Burroughs
“ When people meet me, many times they're very surprised because they expect someone who is kind of wacky with seven piercings and very hip and cool and New York City, and I'm not. Augusten Burroughs
“ I've just finished my next collection, Possible Side Effects, and I'm now working on a collection of holiday stories as well as a memoir about my relationship with my father. Augusten Burroughs
“ The secret to being a writer is that you have to write. It's not enough to think about writing or to study literature or plan a future life as an author. You really have to lock yourself away, alone,… Augusten Burroughs
“ Marriage is overdone. As long as there are people, people are going to find it interesting. Augusten Burroughs
“ My question was:How did I go from merely seeing the dirty French Santa in a bar to being in his hotel room the next morning? And this presented me with an actual equation. How did one plus one equal o… Augusten Burroughs
“ I am prone to envy. It is one of my three default emotions, the others being greed and rage. I have also experienced compassion and generosity, but only fleetingly and usually while drunk, so I have l… Augusten Burroughs
“ My parents had this relationship that was really terrifying. I mean, the level of hatred that they had, and the level of physical abuse - my mother would beat up my father, basically - and I think I w… Augusten Burroughs
“ I gazed around the room and my eyes stopped dead on a little boy standing in the corner. This was a particularly eerie doll. Life-sized and blond-haired and blue-eyed. I saw a little Nazi boy, pockets… Augusten Burroughs
“ As a young child I had Santa and Jesus all mixed up. I could identify Coke or Pepsi with just one sip, but I could not tell you for sure why they strapped Santa to a cross. Had he missed a house? Had… Augusten Burroughs
“ And in my mind, this settles the issue. I would never drink cologne, and am therefore not an alcoholic. Augusten Burroughs
“ It's not such a huge deal when this happens at a 7-Eleven. It's pretty huge, though, when you spend the entire job interview trying not to come across like a box of hair and you come across like a box… Augusten Burroughs
