I have seen people who find that grief gives them something they never had before, and no matter how terrible and real their loss they choose to hug that awfulness to them rather than push it away.
I would not have traded the delights of my suffering for anything in the world.
(p. pr. & vb. n.) of Wallow
Stephen had spared no expense in making himself more unhappy, his own position as a rejected lover clearer.
[T]here can be a form of vanity in grief that is indulged rather than suffered.