What advice would I give the average homeowner to protect himself against burglars? Well, the first thing is to keep a light on in the house when you go out. It must be at least a sixty-watt bulb; any...
UFOs are back in the news, and it is high time we took a serious look at the phenomenon. (Actually the time is ten past eight, so not only are we a few minutes late but I'm hungry).
These modern analysts! They charge so much. In my day, for five marks Freud himself would treat you. For ten marks, he would treat you and press your pants. For fifteen marks, Freud would let you trea...
She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak.
Mankind is facing a crossroad - one road leads to despair and utter hopelessness and the other to total extinction - I sincerely hope you graduates choose the right road
In perpetrating a revolution, there are two requirements: someone or something to revolt against and someone to actually show up and do the revolting. Dress is usually casual and both parties may be f...
End production today. Wrap party as usual a little sad. Slow danced with Scarlett. Broke her toe. Not my fault. When she dipped me back, I stepped on it.Penélope and Javier anxious to work with me aga...
I am going to give my psychoanalyst one more year then I'm going to Lourdes.
How to make God laugh. Tell him your future plans.
Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college,
If Jesus came back and saw what was going on in his name, he'd never stop throwing-up.
There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?
Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!
The heart is a very, very resilient little muscle. It really is.
Kugelmass, unaware of this catastrophe, had his own problems. He had not been thrust into , or into any other novel, for that matter. He had been projected into an old textbook, , and was running for...
If she were lying on a plate with a herring, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference.
He’s dreaming, Cloquet thought, as he stood over him, revolver in hand. He’s dreaming, and I exist in reality. Cloquet hated reality but realized it was still the only place to get a good steak.
I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!
Raining. Oh, brother, a scratch on the fender. Damn rabbi on his unicycle.
I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak.