Detective John Tallow, 1st Precinct.You, said Scarly. I hate you so much my dick is hard.
A Kenyan man once said to me, 'You can get used to anything when money's involved.' He used to stick mice up his ass for twenty bucks at a time. -Spider Jerusalem
[. . .] a super-rat. I nailed it across the eyes once with a lucky shot with the butt of my gun, but it got up again and shat in my telephone.
The untreated cardboard sleeve around the venti-plus cup, stamped with biodegradable inks, proclaiming the coffee shop's proud independence, the simple black printing on the flecked card making its ow...
So this Zealot comes to my door, all glazed eyes and clean reproductive organs, asking me if I ever think about God. So I tell him I killed God. I tracked God down like a rabid dog, hacked off his leg...
Okay, I said. Let’s do something really goddamn stupid.
Listen to the Chair Leg of Truth! It does not lie!
Jim Rosato was recently married, to a Greek nurse. Rosato was half Irish and half Italian, and there was a pool on at the 1st as to which of the two would arrive at work wearing the other's skin as a...
I partnered you with Jim all those years ago because you were complimentary kinds of crazy. You kept each other in check. I need you to not crawl back inside your own skull and watch the world with bi...
His quant band was gone, he noticed: he wouldn’t be tracking his steps, his blood oxygen, heart rate, local EF field activity, or the five other things it automagically quantified and uploaded and sha...
Fuck you . . . you fucking body-dysmorphia porn-addict trust-fund-baby compulsive-masturbation motherfucker.
Tallow was nervously aware that his name was on the worse cold-case dump CSU had ever seen. He was not looking forward to having them look at him and judge by eye exactly how much his organs might be...
Tallow walked into Bat and Scarly's office to find Bat slumped on a chair with his head on the workbench, turned away from the door, while Scarly softly sharpened on old straight razor on a worn strop...
Shopping for clothes is a Boyfriend Thing. You stand around and look blankly at a bunch of pieces of fabric and you look at the price tags and you wonder how something that'd barely cover your right n...
He was a futurist. They were all futurists. Everyone here gazed into the abyss for a living. Do it long enough, and the abyss would gaze back into you. If the abyss did that for long enough, the peopl...
Bukkake, said a voice in my ear. Multiple ejaculations onto the face. It’s the new thing. It was the tattooed girl, crouched behind my chair. This is the only genuine and authentic Godzilla Bukkake ni...
Writer's block? I've heard of this. This is when a writer cannot write, yes? Then that person isn't a writer anymore. I'm sorry, but the job is getting up in the fucking morning and writing for a livi...
The glowing glass windows many of us carry now, where we make things amazing happen by pointing at it with our fingers like goddamn wizards.
Time was this place didn’t make sense and I could live with it. Either it’s changed, or I have.
There would be internet, and books, and music. He could think, and be, and hold the world at a distance in order to see it properly.