“ The general intellectual level of South Florida is somewhere just above "functionally retarded". Tucker Max
“ When I give speeches at college, I don't tell stories, I talk about what it is to live your dreams and take the path less traveled. Tucker Max
“ I've come to learn that what really matters is the relationship, the quality of the relationship. Tucker Max
“ 8:58 We go to McDonald's. The woman in front of me in line spends more than five seconds contemplating her order. This infuriates me, WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?? MC-SEABASS?? IT'S THE GODDAMN MCDONALDS… Tucker Max
“ If people try to judge you or shame you for doing safe, consensual things that make you happy, I can guarantee you they're bad people. Tucker Max
“ See, what you're talking about is why hanging out with ME would be fun for YOU. It doesn't explain anything about why it'd be fun for ME. You don't bring banter. You aren't witty. You aren't funny. Th… Tucker Max
“ Whatever your favorite food is, if you eat it every day for a month, you're going to get sick of it. Tucker Max
“ People, heed my warning: That stuff is Specials Olympics in a pint glass. You think they are harmless and not very strong, and the next thing you know it is an hour later and you are in the bathroom o… Tucker Max
“ Motherfucker. She leaves me no choice. Now I have to break her self-esteem, sleep with her and steal the shirt. Tucker Max
“ I hadn't realized how supremely shit-housed I was until we stumbled into our room at the Embassy Suites. You ever been so drunk you forgot that you have to shit until the last minute? Well I was at th… Tucker Max
“ 5:15 I have never put makeup on. It's hard. You assholes are crowding my mirror space. Gimme some room, I keep smearing my blush. Everyone's glares at me. I feel like a gay homosexual. Tucker Max
“ Ladies, let me give you some advice. You can throw all your stupid fucking chick-lit, self-help, why-doesn't-he-love-me books out, because this is all you need to know: Men will treat you the way you… Tucker Max
