Round 5: Telling him I felt bad about the puppy-shirt thing, I told him we could go pick out a dog at the pound now that we had a yard for it. Instead, I took him to the dentist. Winner: Bear Rock Sta...
One thing that they don’t tell you is that fires can’t burn bright forever.
Okay, okay. So. First things first. Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh! Second thing: I should probably say thank you for saving my life. Say it and then follow it up with something funny like… okay. Spinach joke....
Mark was watching me. What? I asked, still chuckling. He shook his head slowly. Uh—nothing. I just—it’s nice. Hearing you. Like this. I like it. When you laugh. Then he blushed furiously and looked aw...
Losing him hurts more than anything I’ve ever felt before. But losing you? Ox, if anything happened to you, it would kill me. There is no point for me if you’re not here. So no. You’re not going. You’...
I’m glad you think that murder is bad because of how someone can use it against you,
It's you, I said, not able to look away. It's how I feel when I'm with you. How I think I've always felt. You're my lightning-struck heart. It doesn't matter about the cornerstone. It doesn't matter a...
It was about then that I realized I was an extraordinarily complex person, because my logic typically made no sense.
Is it your lovah?No, I said. It’s my pastor. I’m having an existential crisis and need guidance.Sure. Guidance right into your butthole.Corey, I said, appalled. Apologize to God and Jesus. You know ho...
I want Otter to run back to San Diego and go back to the stupid fucking boyfriend, who Ive never met but cannot stand.
I said, I have bad dreams too. But then I remember I’m awake and that the bad dreams can’t follow me when I’m awake. And then I feel better.
I felt aroused and confused. It was like I was twelve again and standing in front of the men’s underwear section at Kmart, looking at the headless torsos on the Hanes packages and wondering why I was...
I don’t have time for all the relations and courting and wooing bullshit, I said. I’m a wizard. I have quests.Uh, you’re an apprentice, Gary said. And you’re sent on errands.
I do love you. You’ve broken my heart, but it was mine to give.
I bet there’s like an Easter egg on one of the DVDs, Sandy said, taking a drink of his tea. A deleted scene that shows Eeyore jerking off to a photo of Pooh fucking Piglet while hanging himself with h...
I asked you your name again.Cavalo.That's it? Warren had said then and he said now.It's all I have.You have more.No, Cavalo said. There's nothing left.
I am eighty-three years old, but I only remember the last seventy-one years. You see, when I was twelve, I met a blue-eyed boy and fell in love. I can only remember the last seventy-one years because...
I already have enough doubts as it is. I can’t have them from you too. I need you, man. To have my back. He pounced on those words, of course. Doubts? Then why are you even doing this? I said, Not abo...
Hi, my name is Ryan Foxheart. Oh no! There’s danger afoot! Let me pull out my sword and pose. I mimed pulling a sword from my side and cocked an eyebrow. Notice how dashing I am. And immaculate. And t...
Hi, Sam!Hi, Tiggy.You okay?Yes, Tiggy.Tiggy smash something for Sam?No, Tiggy.Tiggy smash something for Sam.He smashed one of the wooden sparring dummies.Thank you, Tiggy.Tiggy smash! he bellowed and...