Terry Pratchett Quotes

Albert grunted. Do you know what happens to lads who ask too many questions?Mort thought for a moment.No, he said eventually, what?There was silence.Then Albert straightened up and said, Damned if I k...

It was a nice day.

I WAS NOT EXPECTING A NAC MAC FEEGLE TODAY, said Death. OTHERWISE I WOULD HAVE WORN PROTECTIVE CLOTHING, HA HA.

The important thing about having lots of things to remember is that you’ve got to go somewhere afterwards where you can remember them, you see? You’ve got to stop. You haven’t really been anywhere unt...

And a woman by herself is missing a man, while a man by himself is his own master. Trousers. That's the secret. Trousers and a pair of socks. I never dreamed it was like this. Put on trousers and the...

Then she wondered, not for the first time, about the differences between wizards and witches. The main difference, she thought, was that wizards used books and staffs to create spells, spells about b...

This was not a fairy-tale castle and there was no such thing as a fairy-tale ending, but sometimes you could threaten to kick the handsome prince in the ham-and-eggs.

I don't hold with paddlin' with the occult, said Granny firmly. Once you start paddlin' with the occult you start believing in spirits, and when you start believing in spirits you start believing in d...

That’s what being alive is, Thing! It’s being badly prepared for everything! Because you only get one chance, Thing!

The storm walked around the hills on legs of lightning, shouting and grumbling.

Bein’ a soldier is not hard. If it was, soldiers would not be able to do it.

Using a metaphor in front of a man as unimaginative as Ridcully was like ared flag to a bu... was like putting something very annoying in front ofsomeone who was annoyed by it.

Overexcited? No! I'm getting very calmly worried that someone might shoot me!

If you had enough money, you could hardly commit crimes at all. You just perpetrated amusing little peccadilloes.

Did I do anything last night that suggested I was sane?

First Thoughts are the everyday thoughts. Everyone has those. Second Thoughts are the thoughts you think about the way you think. People who enjoy thinking have those. Third Thoughts are thoughts that...

Teppic hadn’t been educated. Education had just settled on him, like dandruff.

But we were dragons. We were supposed to be cruel, cunning, heartless and terrible. But this much I can tell you, we never burned and tortured and ripped one another apart and called it morality.

Witches are naturally nosy, said Miss Tick, standing up. Well, I must go. I hope we shall meet again. I will give you some free advice, though.Will it cost me anything?What? I just said it was free! s...

I'm trying to remember how you tell the time by looking at the sun. -I should leave it for a while, it's too bright to see the numbers at the moment.