If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
Sometimes over things that I did, movies that didn't turn out very well - you go, 'Why did you do that?' But in the end, I can't regret them because I met amazing people. There was always something th...
When Jonathan Winters died, it was like, 'Oh, man!' I knew he was frail, but I always thought he was going to last longer. I knew him as being really funny, but at the same time, he had a dark side.
The 'Aladdin' thing - that's not work; that's just fun. Three days in the recording studio going mad, then the animators do all the work. Not a bad way to cash a large check, my friend.
People say satire is dead. It's not dead it's alive and living in the White House.
I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.
The bad thing about being a famous comedian is that every now and then someone approaches me to tell an old joke. Don't tell me jokes - I have that. People also say the weirdest things, sometimes sarc...
Do I perform sometimes in a manic style? Yes. Am I manic all the time? No. Do I get sad? Oh yeah. Does it hit me hard? Oh yeah.
I basically started performing for my mother, going, 'Love me!' What drives you to perform is the need for that primal connection. When I was little, my mother was funny with me, and I started to be c...
A lot of vets like 'Good Morning Vietnam' - I get great letters from guys.
No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.
See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
I do believe in love; it's wonderful - especially love third time around, it's even more precious; it's kind of amazing.
Cricket is baseball on Valium.
I like my wine like my women - ready to pass out.
I started doing comedy because that was the only stage that I could find. It was the pure idea of being on stage. That was the only thing that interested me, along with learning the craft and working,...
I used to think the worst thing in life is to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone.
Some are born great. Some achieve greatness. Some get it as a graduation gift.
Having George W. Bush giving a lecture on business ethics is like having a leper give you a facial, it just doesn't work!