Thank God for whiskey or the world would be so full of secrets the weight would spin us into the sun.
So far, being dead is about as much fun as a barbed-wire G-string. Yes, there is such a thing. They invented it in Hell, which is where I am. I already said I was dead. Where else would I be? Try to k...
Oh Christ. Put me back with the zombies, Strawberry Shortcake. [p. 411]
ONCE UPON A time I was a regular jackass living a regular jackass life.
Nothing good has ever come from anything that begins with God has a message for you.
Mimir sucks in the smoke and suddenly I want another Malediction. Her eyes roll back in her head. She begins to shake. She mumbles something unintelligible, like she’s chanting or speaking in tongues....
Maybe I should have kept my rock. At least I wouldn’t look quite so much like a deer caught in the headlights. No. I’d look like a deer with a rock. Forget it. We
Lucifer was his name in Perdition. In Heaven, he’s Samael.
Love a man who'll bleed to make a point. (Candy)
Let me tell you, having cancer sucks, but being broke and having cancer is the shittiest fate that can land on a human being.
I’d rather watch you do the backstroke in lava.
If you ever see me in a matching T-shirt with a woman—any woman—shoot me. Okay? Morty nodded. You didn’t have to ask. I’d have done it on principle. Thank you. I know a cry for help when I see it.
I'm always careful. It's whiskey that isn't careful.
I tap a Malediction out of the box, fire it up, and puff. It tastes like a tire fire in a candy factory next door to a strip club. The best cigarettes ever.
I know a killer when I see one and he’s one cold Charlie Starkweather motherfucker.
I guess I don’t have a choice. Of course you have a choice, she says. They’re just not very good choices.
I down whatever’s in the glass, though, because at this point I’d drink paint thinner out of a hobo’s galoshes.
Don’t be stupid. Of course I’ll help you. We must always look after our friends, even when they are foolish. Especially when they are foolish.
Are we in danger? he says. It depends on what you mean by ‘we.’ Am I in danger? That’s the first smart thing anyone’s said to me today. And, yes, you really are. So do what I tell you.
Young vampires are all assholes. It’s part of their job description.