So far, being dead is about as much fun as a barbed-wire G-string. Yes,
When you jump off a cliff, is it better to land on jagged rocks or burning lava? I know this one. The answer is obvious: It doesn’t matter where you land. You just jumped off a cliff.
That's for me, isn't it? I'm going to Hell.Don't feel so bad. It beats Fresno.
The five of us are the big brains supposedly in charge of Hell. Really, we’re a bunch of second-rate mechanics trying to keep the wheels from coming off a burning gasoline truck skidding toward a scho...
All are equal in the grave.
An angel wouldn’t know fun if it showed up in a blimp with dancing girls and a full bar.
And that makes a difference? said Coop. Let me put it this way, said Phil. Were you fucked ten minutes ago? No. Are you fucked now? Yes. Then I guess it makes a difference. Coop
The thing you have to understand about Lucifer is that he hardly ever talks, and when he does, it's never much more than a whisper. When half the universe is hanging on to your every word, you don't h...
At least your absence wasn’t eleven years like your last trip. How was your time in Le Merdier? Dusty. There was a judge down there. He spoke more languages and was crazier than you. If I live, I’ll t...
The Magistrate has been watching this whole thing with the quiet amusement of Mike Brady watching his squabbling TV kids. Only this Mike’s kids are killers and Dad’s got a messiah complex.
Besides Getting my ass kicked, my main accomplishment on this trip has been to massacre an incredible number of completely innocent clothes. I'm the Joseph Stalin of laundry.
Dead, lost, and with only half a pack of smokes. The dictionary definition of Hell. Amen
Death, like birth, is a secret of nature. Only with birth you get a blanket and a bottle. You get a blanket with death too, but they call it a shroud and everyone else gets the bottle.
You're quite the humanitarian. By the way, thanks a fuck of a lot for leaving me off your who-to-save list.You're on it, Alfredo Garcia. I just didn't want to say it out loud and have you call me Nanc...
Hell doesn’t run on prayers or promises. Downtown magic is about reaching out and grabbing what you want, and that requires payment. An offering. Blood.
Hell, boy. At some point, all fathers want to kill their sons. Just like all sons think about killing their old man. They’re too much alike or they’re not enough alike. It doesn’t matter. What’s beaut...
Hellions just aren’t used to humans giving them back talk. That’s okay. I can use that. Let them find me a little strange. A little inexplicable. Playing the Devil is easier if no one has any idea wha...
Horned Toad’s pal, the baby face in the jeep, is running at me, firing the rifle. I guess he’s upset because he hasn’t grasped the fact that it’s really hard to hit anything when you’re running and yo...
I didn’t sign up for any of this, but at worst I always thought being the Devil would be at least a little fun. Shooting BBs at Hitler as he tightrope walks over a lake of boiling lemon juice and brok...
Were those statues there before? Buer waves his little cuttlefish tentacles and moves his finger across the paper. They’re new. A different icon for each of the Seven Noble Virtues. He’s not lying. Th...
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