Hellions just aren’t used to humans giving them back talk. That’s okay. I can use that. Let them find me a little strange. A little inexplicable. Playing the Devil is easier if no one has any idea wha...
Horned Toad’s pal, the baby face in the jeep, is running at me, firing the rifle. I guess he’s upset because he hasn’t grasped the fact that it’s really hard to hit anything when you’re running and yo...
The thing you have to understand about Lucifer is that he hardly ever talks, and when he does, it's never much more than a whisper. When half the universe is hanging on to your every word, you don't h...
How long has it been since I’ve seen sunlight? Down in the asshole of creation, it was a dim, perpetual crimson-and-magenta twilight.
I didn’t sign up for any of this, but at worst I always thought being the Devil would be at least a little fun. Shooting BBs at Hitler as he tightrope walks over a lake of boiling lemon juice and brok...
I look at her bandaged hands. You all right? Just a couple of blisters. Some asshole convinced me to run through a furnace. He sounds shady. As your lawyer, I advise you to avoid him in the future. It...
I pick up a long, charcoal-gray silk overcoat at a West Hollywood rent-boy boutique. Anything heavier than silk will look ridiculous in L.A., and wearing a black overcoat is nature's way of telling yo...
I say, How do I look? Like a pail of manure dragged down a bumpy road and dumped into a river of puke, says a familiar voice from behind me.
I say, The Elmer Gantry act is very convincing, but why pretend you’re Wormwood? That doesn’t make any sense.
Were those statues there before? Buer waves his little cuttlefish tentacles and moves his finger across the paper. They’re new. A different icon for each of the Seven Noble Virtues. He’s not lying. Th...
I should sit down and make a list of everything I missed while I was gone. If you can’t smoke in bars anymore, what other atrocities has the world committed?
You're quite the humanitarian. By the way, thanks a fuck of a lot for leaving me off your who-to-save list.You're on it, Alfredo Garcia. I just didn't want to say it out loud and have you call me Nanc...
You don't have to be afraid of me. Eugene likes you. Doc likes you. That means I like you. We're all family now. All the funny little people who live in the cracks of the world.
L.A. is what happens when a bunch of Lovecraftian elder gods and porn starlets spend a weekend locked up in the Chateau Marmont snorting lines of crank off Jim Morrison’s bones.
She smiles and says, Welcome back, like she means it, and it kind of breaks my heart. She’s nice. I forgot what that’s like. I try to smile back at her, but I’m not sure I’m getting it right. I mean,...
So now here I am, bouncing along in a truck with concrete shocks surrounded by a Hellion legion that smells like a fish-market Dumpster. I’m not usually the dragged-along-for-the-ride type. Usually, I...
So, why'd you come back? I'm going to kill some people, I tell him. I pour the Jack into the coffee. Probably a lot of people.The bartender picks up a rag and starts wiping glasses. Guess someone's g...
Soon I see that I was right. A bright pinprick of light flares in the distance. It’s either Heaven or we’re about to get hit by the 3:10 to Yuma.
The Council is staring at me. I’ve been down here a hundred days and still, anytime I say anything but yes or no, they look at me like I’m a talking giraffe.
The Magistrate has been watching this whole thing with the quiet amusement of Mike Brady watching his squabbling TV kids. Only this Mike’s kids are killers and Dad’s got a messiah complex.
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