Being gloomy is easier than being cheerful. Anybody can say I've got cancer and get a rise out of a crowd. But how many of us can do five minutes of good stand-up comedy? And worrying is less work tha...
According to the magazine there are currently 1,810 billionaires. Their combined net worth is $6.5 trillion. The proposed 2017 U.S. federal budget is $4.2 trillion. All the billionaires on earth put t...
You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.
If we take all the money away from every billionaire and divide that $6.5 trillion by the world’s population of 7.125 billion, we each get a check for $912.28. I just searched auto.com. You can get a...
Capitalism, so called, is when free people accumulate capital of their own free will for use on freely determined projects. The fact of the matter is that most of these projects flop. Donald Trump, fo...
At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.
And if there’s a libertarian moment in the future it won’t be while moderates are in charge. Because there are three basic tenets to libertarianism: Liberty of the individual Dignity of the individual...
If it’s any comfort, we should remind ourselves of the purpose of voting. We don’t vote to elect great persons to office. They’re not that great. We vote to throw the bastards out.)
You can't get good Chinese takeout in China and Cuban cigars are rationed in Cuba. That's all you need to know about communism.
We are endowed with a moral capacity that animals, plants, rocks-and many fervent ecologists-lack. We should not be dirty, wasteful or cruel. To do so harms others. That's wrong. Therefore we don't di...
These were people who believed everything about the Soviet Union was perfect, but they were bringing their own toilet paper.
The world’s richest man pulled Microsoft out of his butt. All Bill Gates exploited was a line of 0s and 1s as long as a piece of string. Now Microsoft employs 118,000 people. Number six on the rich li...
The American Rebellion, about our founding fathers. Not till their foes were driven forth By England o’er the main— Not till the Frenchman from the North Had gone with shattered Spain; Not till the cl...
If there’s something we want, politics shouldn’t be our first resort. Politics is all taking, no making. Whatever politics provides for us will be obtained from other people. Those people won’t love u...
I endorse Hillary Clinton for president. She is the second-worst thing that could happen to America. Dorothy and Toto’s house fell on Hillary. I endorse her. Munchkins endorse her. Donald Trump is a f...
Clinton was an ancient monument of liberalism. If Washington were Pharaonic Egypt—and sometimes it is—Hillary would be the Sphinx. With the exception that she never shuts up. And she’s hardly immobile...
Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race. All through history, mankind has been bullied by scum. Those who lord it over their fellows and toss commands in every direction a...
One of the problems with being a writer is that all of your idiocies are still in print somewhere. I strongly support paper recycling.
You know the Fun-Suckers. You may be married to one. The Fun-Suckers go around saying how unsafe this fun thing is and how unhealthy that fun thing is and how unfair, unjust, uncaring, insensitive, di...
When are the world's political parties going to get appropriate symbols: snake, louse, jackal, ... trash can, clown face, ... dollar bill with bat wings on it?