“ I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you'r… Mitch Hedberg
“ Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show. Mitch Hedberg
“ Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.' Mitch Hedberg
