The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in...
Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.
I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.
You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?'
It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.
On a New York subway you get fined for spitting, but you can throw up for nothing.
The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.