I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.
How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing.
I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.
In awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebony void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang, for ever f...
My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex she objects.
The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother, don't just stand there in the rain. Go home.'
My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in.
My mother-in-law said, 'One day I will dance on your grave.' I said 'I hope you do; I will be buried at sea.'
Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finish up.
I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'