AtomicQuote

Les Dawson Quotes

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

Les Dawson

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

Tags: funny, living, furniture, sell

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'

Les Dawson

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'

Tags: men

About Author
Leslie Dawson (2 February 1931 – 10 June 1993) was an English comedian, actor, writer, presenter, and pianist. He was known for his deadpan style, curmudgeonly persona, musical routines, and jokes about his mother-in-law and wife.

I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.

Les Dawson

I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.

Tags: school, lion, lost

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex she objects.

Les Dawson

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex she objects.

Tags: humorous, passion

My mother-in-law said, 'One day I will dance on your grave.' I said 'I hope you do; I will be buried at sea.'

Les Dawson

My mother-in-law said, 'One day I will dance on your grave.' I said 'I hope you do; I will be buried at sea.'

Tags: day, dance, sea

How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing.

Les Dawson

How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing.

Tags: you, personal, analyse

The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother, don't just stand there in the rain. Go home.'

Les Dawson

The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother, don't just stand there in the rain. Go home.'

Tags: rain, mother, door

Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finish up.

Les Dawson

Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finish up.

Tags: marriage

In awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebony void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang, for ever f...

Les Dawson

In awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebony void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang, for ever f...

Tags: thought, moon, ride

My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in.

Les Dawson

My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in.

Tags: change, her, house