No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
Peace has its victories no less than war, but it doesn't have as many monuments to unveil.
After a fellow gets famous it doesn't take long for someone to bob up that used to sit by him in school.
The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.
Lack of pep is often mistaken for patience.
The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.
Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.
If there's anything a public servant hates to do it's something for the public.
Some fellows pay a compliment like they expected a receipt.
A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.
Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.
The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.
If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.
A bee is never as busy as it seems it's just that it can't buzz any slower.
Kindness goes a long ways lots of times when it ought to stay at home.
Gossip is vice enjoyed vicariously - the sweet subtle satisfaction without the risk.
There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it?
An optimist is a fellow who believes what's going to be will be postponed.
Men are not punished for their sins, but by them.