Feck a handsome chicken if I wasn’t right
Far past the time when everything might have turned out well. We are now in crisis management, hoping that things will turn out badly instead of much, much worse. That
But greatness is in the act of creation and not necessarily in the finished product. Creating is the yin to the yang of our consumption and the doorway to beauty that we all want to walk through. Crea...
Are the worst.
A misbegotten cockwaffle.
[T]he pain was unspeakable, worse than reading the collected works of Edith Wharton.
[...] we are on the payrolls of two dozen different companies as consultants, but we do absolutely nothing for our paychecks, just like normal consultants.
You, sir, I said, have all the dignity of a badger with the clap. Shark shit has more fiber than you. I’m going to tie you nuts-first to a monkey’s cage and make a mix tape of the resulting noise. The...
You must be thinking of stories from other cultures. Irish women tend to kick ass and do whatever they want. For exhibits A, B, and C, I give you the Morrigan, Brighid, and Flidais. Fair enough. So wh...
You know what sucks about prophecies? They never predict anything fun, Granuaile answered. Just once I’d like to hear a prophet tell someone, ‘Thou shalt win a bitchin’ Camaro on a game show.’
You killed my father, he snorted in a basso profundo rumble. Prepare to die! Inigo Montoya? Is that you?
You haven’t lived until you’ve seen an Irish wolfhound parading around in rhinestone-studded gold lamé.
Yes, you’re adorable, aren’t you? Are you a good boy, Snugglepumpkin? Oberon wagged his tail and came over within petting distance. Oh, yes, you are a good boy, yes, you are. She stopped making sense...
Why don’t high school math teachers ever come up with cool problems like this? If a 150-pound Irish wolfhound launches himself at seventeen miles per hour at a 250-pound draugr, will that dead motherf...
When you cannot reason with people, you have to try scaring them. If that doesn’t work, then you either run or you kill them. Or set your lawyers on them.
When a fight comes at ye, it’s not going to ask if you’re in shape for it! Ye have to be ready whenever it comes, and the day I’m not ready for a fight is the day I’m dead!
When The Empire Strikes Back first came out in 1980 and I saw Luke summon his lightsaber to his hand in the wampa cave, I remember thinking, Whoa! Awesome! And then, after I’d seen it maybe ten more t...
What do pharmacists dream of? Caribbean vacations paid for by GlaxoSmithKline? Sample packs of Percocet? Her
Well, when you’re rockin’ out with the Crüe, it’s like a religious experience, dude.
We saw Leif to the door and wished him farewell. Time to hit the hay for the last time in this old house, I told my hound as I closed the door on the vampire. All right, buddy. What’ll it be?