When a man gets talking about himself he seldom fails to be eloquent and often reaches the sublime.
Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting things he has got.
Adversity has the same effect on a man that severe training has on the pugilist: it reduces him to his fighting weight.
Most people repent their sins by thanking God they ain't so wicked as their neighbors.
About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.
The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord that it ain't gout.
It is not only the most difficult thing to know oneself but the most inconvenient one too.
Pity costs nothing and ain't worth nothing.
One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness.
One of the rarest things that a man ever does, is to do the best he can.
One of the best temporary cures for pride and affectation is seasickness a man who wants to vomit never puts on airs.
Faith is the soul riding at anchor.
It ain't no disgrace for a man to fall but to lie there and grunt is.
It ain't often that a man's reputation outlasts his money.
I haven't got as much money as some folks, but I've got as much impudence as any of them, and that's the next thing to money.
Wisdom has never made a bigot, but learning has.
When a man comes to me for advice I find out the kind of advice he wants and I give it to him.
Time is like money, the less we have of it to spare the further we make it go.
Knowledge is like money: the more he gets, the more he craves.
A good way I know to find happiness, is to not bore a hole to fit the plug.