There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.
If it isn't the sheriff, it's the finance company I've got more attachments on me than a vacuum cleaner.
Dying is the last thing I will ever do.
A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.
Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.
Happiness sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open.
He neither drank smoked nor rode a bicycle. Living frugally saving his money he died early surrounded by greedy relatives. It was a great lesson to me.
I am thinking of taking a fifth wife. Why not? Solomon had a thousand wives and he is a synonym for wisdom.
Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.
Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open.
My head is buried in the sands of tomorrow while my tail feathers are singed by the hot sun of today.
You can only be as good as you dare to be bad.
In Genesis, it says that it is not good for a man to be alone but sometimes it is a great relief.
Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?
The good die young, because they see it's no use living if you have got to be good.
I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o clock in the morning.
The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.