When you live in Jersey a beach isn’t enough. People have energy in Jersey. They need things to do. They need a beach with a boardwalk. And the boardwalk has to be filled with rides and games and crap...
What’s up? I asked my mother. I just got fourteen phone calls about someone hitting Joseph’s Grandma Bella in the face with a chocolate cream pie when she was walking out of the funeral home. They sai...
What I lack in expertise I make up for with desperation and tenacity, because I only get paid when I catch someone.
We’re taking Forest to the police station, and then I’m taking the minions home with me. I’ll stash them in my apartment until someone springs Forest. They haven’t put the carpet down yet, and Briggs...
We better hurry, Grandma said. I don't want to be late for the viewing. I want to get a good seat right up front, and there'll probably be a crowd, being that the deceased was shot. You know how some...
To reach the cathedral’s entrance, Kate had to go down a narrow cobblestone street, a bottleneck of restaurants, coffeehouses, and Leonidas chocolate shops, all crammed tightly together and stuck to t...
This is why I’m not married, Ranger said. Women ask questions. Unh! I said, smacking my forehead with the heel of my hand. That’s not why you’re not married. You’re not married because you’re … imposs...
This is part of the problem with the world today, Diesel said. People don’t believe in the mystical.
There’s always tomorrow. Exactly, she said, finishing off her first doughnut, selecting a second. Maybe she wouldn’t starve to death, she decided. Maybe she’d eat herself into obesity and explode. Dea...
There’s a difference between having maturity and being mature. I’m not ready to be mature. I don’t want to see the AARP magazine in my mailbox.
There was no expression to his face. He looked like he’d seen it all and didn’t think much of it.
The mother and daughter whose roles had reversed—Grandma gladly relinquishing parental responsibility, my mother grimly accepting the task, struggling to find a place for an old woman who’d suddenly b...
The difference between adventure and adversity is attitude.
The clock on the dash told me I was seven minutes late, and the urge to scream told me I was home.
That’s how hospitals get you. You go in to visit and before you know it they got a camera stuck up your butt and they’re lookin’ to find poloponies.
Stealing equipment from a small-town fire station is such an easy, petty crime, Nick said. It feels anticlimactic after starting the day in New York selling three stolen Rembrandts and outwitting the...
Stand back. I'm going to give the eye.'Grandma pulled a .45 long barrel out of her black patent leather purse and pointed it at Bella. 'You put your finger to your eye and I'll put a hole in your head...
Sounds to me like you're talkin' about the wrong things. Why don't you talk about other things? Like you could make a list of things you won't fight over and then you only talk about those things.
Sometimes when a plan is right, everything else, all the things you can’t control, falls into place just the way it should.
Shit for brains, Leo’s father said. That’s what you got … shit for brains.