Janet Evanovich Quotes

Damn skippy it’s a flea collar. I’m not taking no chances.

Damn, piss, shit, fuck!

DeAngelo blew up my bus, so I filled his car with shit. Genius, right?DeAngelo didn't blow up the bus, Connie said. I just got the report from the fire marshal. The coffeemaker shorted out and started...

Dear Lord,' Lula said, 'Bless this disgusting, swelled-up groundhog and take him into the Kingdom of Heaven or wherever it is that dead groundhogs are supposed to go. Amen.' We both made the sign of t...

Death isn’t such a big deal when it’s happening to someone else.

Did you take Joyce's engine?''My instructions were to disable the car, but one of the men bet Hal a burger he couldn't get the engine out. So Hal removed the engine.

Embarrassing as it was to admit, I was beginning to enjoy the role, thinking there was nothing like packing a pair of cuffs to put some spring into a woman's step.

Emerson found a smaller length of rope, wrapped it around Riley’s waist, tied it in a knot, and passed it between her legs. How do you feel? Emerson asked her. Like I’m wearing a rope thong. That’s an...

Esistono alcuni uomini che entrano nella vita di una donna e la mandano all'aria per sempre. Joseph Morelli l'ha fatto a me - non per sempre, ma di tanto in tanto.

Every time I turn around, Short Stuff got his nose in my business. But

Everyone in the room was silent for a moment. Annie stared openmouthed at the man beneath her. So he’d noticed her after all. Her ego moved up a notch. Not that he was her type, mind you. Not that she...

Fifteen minutes later I was dressed in four-inch FMPs (short for fuck-me pumps, because when you walked around in them you looked like Whorehouse Wonder Bitch). I shimmied into a low-cut black knit dr...

Finally, a sport I could enjoy.

Finding out with Ranger is a whole different deal than finding out with Lula. Lula and I are Lucy Ricardo and Ethel Mertz. Ranger is Batman.

Go figure that. Joseph Morelli with a house, a dog, a steady job, and an SUV. And on odd days of the month he woke up wanting to marry me. It turns out want to marry him on even days of the month, so...

God bless YouTube, Lula said. You don’t even need to go to college no more because you could learn how to do everything on YouTube.

God's a busy guy. He don't have time to micromanage. What are the chances he heard that? It's early in the morning. He's probably having breakfast with Mrs. God.

Grandma Mazur reads the obituary columns like they're part of the paper's entertainment section. Other communities have country clubs and fraternal orders. The Burg has funeral parlors. If people stop...

Grandma Mazur stood two feet back from my mother. I gotta get me a pair if those, she said, eyeballing my shorts. I've still got pretty good legs, you know. She raised her skirt and looked down at her...

Grandma has a .45 long barrel that she keeps hidden from my mother. She got it from her friend Elsie, who picked it up at a yard sale. Probably it was in Grandma's purse. Grandma says it gives the bag...