Janet Evanovich Quotes

Out I was going to crash the car into a telephone pole.

Phone and warn her I’d

Stuffed myself into a white T-shirt, topped with a plaid flannel shirt and a pair of Levi’s with a small hole in the crotch which I convinced myself no one could see.

Walked him to the door. Is there anything else you want me to do? Check your mail? Water your plants? My mail is being forwarded to my lawyer. And I’m watering my own plants. So, you feel safe in the...

Don't you just hate a phony-looking stiff? - Aunt Edna

A flock of cardinals in scarlet frocks with tall white miters on their heads came trailing behind him.

Almost everybody I know has died, Grandma said. Bunch of wimps.

Amen Lula said and she made the sign of the cross. I thought you were Baptist.Yeah, but we don't got any hand signals for an occasion like this.

An orgasm is an orgasm, but getting there can leave you with a herniated disc if you aren’t careful.

And in an instant I was pinned beneath him, which was not an entirely unpleasant experience once I realized it was Ranger. We were groin to groin, chest to chest, with his hands locked around my wrist...

And when I was in the trunk, I saw Jesus. And the Virgin Mary. And Ozzy Osbourne.

Any intelligent woman would have made a dignified retreat, but this was New Jersey, where dignity always runs a poor second to the pleasure of getting in someone's face.

Are you a feminist? You bet your ass, Lula said. Unless I need something done that’s man’s work.

Aren't you something, Grandma said. I never saw a midget up close. Little person, Briggs said. And I never saw anyone as old as you up close, either.

Babe, Ranger said, you need to make some decisions. I made decisions. I’m just having a hard time sticking to them.

But in my experience, the virtuous are usually the first to die.

Congratulations. You caught yourself a Munchkin.

Cracker Jacks don't count as junk food because they're corn and peanuts, which we know to be high in nutrition. And they have a prize inside.

Criminy, Emerson. That’s even worse, Riley said. Who asks someone he’s just met if she’d like to see his thimbles? That’s serial killer creepy. Emerson

Cupcake, your middle name is trouble.