AtomicQuote

Henry N. Beard Quote

A man said to the universe,'Sir, I exist!''Excellent,' replied the universe,'I've been looking for someone to take care of my cats.

Henry N. Beard

A man said to the universe,'Sir, I exist!''Excellent,' replied the universe,'I've been looking for someone to take care of my cats.

Tags: humor, stephen crane

Related Quotes

Marketing is so powerful that it can make even an extremely untalented musician a one-hundred-hits wonder.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Marketing is so powerful that it can make even an extremely untalented musician a one-hundred-hits wonder.

Tags: ability, able, accomplished, ace, adept, adroit, advertiser, advertisers, advertising, aphorism

Belief is a wonderful way to pass the time until the facts come in.

Carl R White

Belief is a wonderful way to pass the time until the facts come in.

Tags: aetheism, agnostic, agnostic atheism, agnostic theism, agnosticism, agnostics, allah, almighty, angels, arguments

It is usually unbearably painful to read a book by an author who knows way less than you do, unless the book is a novel.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

It is usually unbearably painful to read a book by an author who knows way less than you do, unless the book is a novel.

Tags: acceptable, accomplishment, account, accounts, adeptness, admissible, agony, aphorism, aphorisms, aphorist

There would definitely be way fewer instances of cheating, if the average couple did not have sex only when the woman feels like it.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

There would definitely be way fewer instances of cheating, if the average couple did not have sex only when the woman feels like it.

Tags: adultery, aphorism, aphorisms, aphorist, aphorists, bedroom, boyfriend, boyfriends, cheat, cheater

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I'm right.

Ashleigh Brilliant

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I'm right.

Tags: always, changed, fact, humble, humor, opinions, right

Whenever they are condemning weaves or breast implants, some people speak so passionately that their false teeth almost fall out.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Whenever they are condemning weaves or breast implants, some people speak so passionately that their false teeth almost fall out.

Tags: aphorism, aphorisms, aphorist, aphorists, appearance, appearances, argument, arguments, bazooms, berate

The fact that the person who you are sleeping with is also sleeping with another person or other people does not necessarily mean that he or she does not love you. And the fact that you are the only p...

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

The fact that the person who you are sleeping with is also sleeping with another person or other people does not necessarily mean that he or she does not love you. And the fact that you are the only p...

Tags: adage, adages, africa, african, aphorism, aphorisms, axiom, axioms, boyfriend, boyfriends

Being bored is the price we pay for not being insane.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Being bored is the price we pay for not being insane.

Tags: adage, adages, advantage, advantages, alone, aphorism, aphorisms, asylum, asylums, axiom

Instead of being regarded as intelligent or knowledgeable, many a woman would rather be regarded as beautiful or good in the kitchen; many a man, as handsome or good in bed.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Instead of being regarded as intelligent or knowledgeable, many a woman would rather be regarded as beautiful or good in the kitchen; many a man, as handsome or good in bed.

Tags: able, aesthetic, alluring, appealing, arresting, artistic, astute, attractive, beautiful, beauty

The death of a billionaire is worth more to the media than the lives of a billion poor people.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

The death of a billionaire is worth more to the media than the lives of a billion poor people.

Tags: ad, adage, adages, advert, advertiser, advertisers, advertising, advertising space, advertising spaces, adverts
About Henry N. Beard

Henry Nichols Beard (born June 7, 1945) is an American humorist, one of the founders of the magazine National Lampoon and the author of several best-selling books.