Henny Youngman Quotes

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad but New York City?

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

When you battle with your conscience and lose, you win. -Henny Youngman, comedian and violinist (1906-1998)

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.

I don't fly on account of my religion. I'm a devout coward.

I wanted to become an atheist but I gave it up. They have no holidays.