A celebrity is one who is known to many persons he is glad he doesn't know.
The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist Jack.
The opera is to music what a bawdy house is to a cathedral.
Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.
Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.
The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.
Every man sees in his relatives, and especially in his cousins, a series of grotesque caricatures of himself.
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?
All government, of course, is against liberty.
Say what you will about the ten commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.
Honor is simply the morality of superior men.
A professor must have a theory as a dog must have fleas.
Poetry has done enough when it charms, but prose must also convince.
Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest.
In war the heroes always outnumber the soldiers ten to one.
I hate all sports as rabidly as a person who likes sports hates common sense.
A society made up of individuals who were all capable of original thought would probably be unendurable.
Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him.
It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.