We passed a gun shop advertising a Blowout Sale.While listening to a country music station,we heard a talk/song narrated by our flag. I flew proudly at Iwo Jima and the blustering deserts of Kuwait, a...
Watching him was like opening the door to a siniging telegram; you know it's supposed to be entertaining, but you can't get beyond the sad fact that this person actually thinks he bringing some joy in...
Wants to set the world on fire, and if it can't happen by tomorrow morning at nine a.m., then life's just unfair and hardly worth living.
Use the word y’all, and before you knew it, you’d find yourself in a haystack French-kissing an underage goat. Along with grits and hush puppies, the abbreviated form of you all was a dangerous step o...
To spend your days in the company of naked men - that was the life for me.
To know the narrative in advance is to turn yourself into a machine, the Manager continues. What makes humans human is precisely that they do not know the future. That is why they do the fateful and a...
To be fair, he had never actually promised to be monogamous. That was my idea, and though I tried my hardest to convert him, the allure of other people was just too great.
There’s a short circuit between my brain and my tongue, thus Leave me the fuck alone comes out as Well, maybe. Sure. I guess I can see your point.
Then he reached to an even higher shelf and brought down another plastic grocery bag, this one from Tesco, which is decidedly less upscale. Now, a smell is going to hit you when I open this up, but do...
The two of you grew apart,' my mother would say. She made it sound as if we'd veered off in different directions, though in fact we had the exact same destination. I just never made it.
So which do you like better,State or Carolina? She was referring to the athletic rivalry between the Triangle area's two largest universities...Definitely State. State all the way.
She lit a cigarette and spent a moment identifying with the smoldering match.
September 12, 2001 Paris Last night on TV I watched people jump from the windows of the World Trade Center.
Remember that the most important thing is to try and love other people as much as they love you.
On my fifth trip to France I limited myself to the words and phrases that people actually use. From the dog owners I learned Lie down, Shut up, and Who shit on this carpet? The couple across the road...
My sister has appendages connected to her ankles. They feature toes and arches, but I cannot call them feet. In color they resemble the leathery paws of great apes, but in texture they are closer to h...
Jews in concentration camps had shaved heads and tattoos. You’d think the anti-Semites would go for a different look.
I’m not sure how long I lay there, blissed-out and farting.
It's just a penis, right? Probably no worse for you than smoking.
In other parts of the country people tried to stay together for the sake of the children. In New York they tried to work things out for the sake of the apartment.