I think about death all the time, but only in a romantic, self-serving way, beginning, most often, with my tragic illness and ending with my funeral. I see my brother squatting beside my grave, so rac...
I told myself that if I looked at my brother differently, it was because of the suit, nto the weight. He was a grown man now. He was going to get married, and therefore, he was a changed person.He too...
I'd always thought that I understood this, but lately I realize that what I call understanding is basically just fantasizing.
If a person who constantly reads is labeled a bookworm, then I was quickly becoming what might be called a tapeworm.
If nothing else, life in the suburbs promised that you might go from day to day without finding shit in your hair.
In his work shirt and underpants, he looked powerful but also cartoonish, like a bear dressed up for a job interview.
It was generally agreed that a coffin-size studio on Avenue D was preferable to living in one of the boroughs. Moving from one Brooklyn or Staten Island neighborhood to another was fine, but unless yo...
It was, I thought, what evil must smell like.
It’s so hard to predict which friends will last and which will fade away. Quite often I’d move and lose half the contacts in my address book, people I thought would be with me forever. It’s not that w...
I’d come across a strap-on penis. It seemed pretty old and was Band-Aid colored, about three inches long and not much bigger around than a Vienna sausage, which was interesting to me. You’d think that...
I’m not sure how long I lay there, blissed-out and farting.
Jews in concentration camps had shaved heads and tattoos. You’d think the anti-Semites would go for a different look.
My sister has appendages connected to her ankles. They feature toes and arches, but I cannot call them feet. In color they resemble the leathery paws of great apes, but in texture they are closer to h...
Never again would I have so many friends, and such good ones, though I’m not exactly sure why. Perhaps I’ve grown less likable over the years, or maybe I’ve just forgotten how to meet people. The init...
On Maui, one November, Hugh and I went swimming, and turned to find a gigantic sea turtle coming up between us. As gentle as a cow she was, and with a cow’s dopey, almost lovesick expression on her fa...
On my fifth trip to France I limited myself to the words and phrases that people actually use. From the dog owners I learned Lie down, Shut up, and Who shit on this carpet? The couple across the road...
People who have nothing to prove offer practical baby gifts: sturdy cotton rompers made to withstand the cycle of vomit and regular washing. People who are competing for the titles of best-loved aunts...
Remember that the most important thing is to try and love other people as much as they love you.
Sallie Mae sounds like a naive and barefoot hillbilly girl but in fact they are a ruthless and aggressive conglomeration of bullies located in a tall brick building somewhere in Kansas. I picture it t...
She hit bottom when she physically attacked a deaf-mute. This was a boy of fourteen, a beloved neighborhood figure who delivered for the nearby deli.
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