Then there are vegans, macrobiotics, and a new group, flexitarians, who eat meat if not too many people are watching.
The word phobic has its place when properly used, but lately it’s been declawed by the pompous insistence that most animosity is based upon fear rather than loathing. No credit is given for distinguis...
The reverend insists we occupy the first pew. He rang us up not long ago, tipsy-- he's a tippler-- saying that our faces brought him closer to God. And it's true, we're terribly good-looking people.
The offices were like a national holding center for the trainably banal, occupied by people who decorated their cubicles with quilted, heart-shaped picture frames and those tiny plush bears with the f...
The man spoke with an accent, and though I couldn’t exactly place it, I knew that he was poor. His voice had snakes in it. And dysentery, and mangoes.
The guy in the T-shirt that pictures a semiautomatic rifle above the message COME AND TAKE IT, the one in fatigues buying two twelve-packs of beer and a tub of rice pudding, didn’t necessarily vote Re...
The Artist’s impressions of a walk in the woods. The Artist’s view on viewing. The Artist on Art. How do you get your ideas for stories, Mr. Valentine? Well, I simply exploit everything I come into co...
Still, there were moments when, against all reason, I thought I might be a genius. These moments were provoked not by any particular accomplishment but by cocaine and crystal methamphetamine — drugs t...
Some of my additions to the list were things that Ronnie wasn’t familiar with. We’re all going to the same place, for instance. This is what novice fliers in group five say when they get caught trying...
Snowball just leads elves on, elves and Santas. He is playing a dangerous game.
She's afraid to tell me anything important, knowing I'll only turn around and write about it. In my mind, I'm like a friendly junkman, building things from the little pieces of scrap I find here and t...
She just happens to be my father, young man, and I'd appreciate it of you'd show her a little respect.
Seeing the pros in person was no more interesting than eating an ice-cold hamburger,
Scream at the mangled leather carcass lying at the foot of the stairs, and my parents would roar with laughter. That's what you get for leaving your wallet on the kitchen table.
Potential boyfriends could not smoke Merit cigarettes, own or wear a pair of cowboy boots, or eat anything labeled either lite or heart smart. Speech was important, and disqualifying phrases included...
People are often frightened of Parisians, but an American in Paris will find no harsher critic than another American.
Other people’s pain is uninteresting. My own, though, is spellbinding.
One afternoon while driving back from the beach, Hugh pointed out a McDonald's bag vomiting its contents onto the pavement. I say that any company whose products are found on the ground automatically...
My understanding was that it completed a person, sanding down the rough provincial edges and transforming you into a citizen of the world.
My sister's the type who religiously watches the fear segments of her local Eyewitness News broadcasts, retaining nothing but the headline...Everything is dangerous all of the time, and if it's not ye...