This former director of the FBI whom we all hated until someone we hated even more fired him.
There are only two kinds of flights: ones in which you die and ones in which you do not.
Bowl. It was disgusting to think that this was what a gumdrop might look like in your stomach, and it was insulting to be told not to take too much of something you didn’t really want in the first pla...
You’re not supposed to talk about your good deeds, I know. It effectively negates them and in the process makes people hate you.
You tell yourself that if you traveled alone to Europe this summer, you could surely do the same thing next year, and the year after that. Of course you don’t, though, and the next thing you know you’...
While the builders worked on the cottage, Hugh lived in what used to be the stable but was later converted into a guesthouse, the kind you’d have if you wanted to either discourage guests or contain t...
We were standing near the Lollipop Forest when we realized that Santa is an anagram of Satan... Overhearing the customers we would substitute the Satan for the world Santa.
Though harsh in other respects, prison would be an excellent place to learn a foreign language - total immersion, and you'd have the new slang before it even hit the streets.
This was the consequence of seeing too much and understanding the horrible truth: No one is safe. The world is not manageable.
The word phobic has its place when properly used, but lately it’s been declawed by the pompous insistence that most animosity is based upon fear rather than loathing. No credit is given for distinguis...
The third guest, a poet, had recently published a memoir about her cancer and the many operations performed in an effort to reconstruct her jaw.
The position was offered at the last minute, when the scheduled professor found a better-paying job delivering pizza.
The italian nanny was attempting to answer the teachers latest question when the moroccan student interupted, shouting Excuse me, What is an easter?it would seem that depsite having grown up in a musl...
Plenty of animals had pets, but few were more devoted than the mouse, who owned a baby corn snake—A rescue snake, she’d be quick to inform you. This made it sound like he’d been snatched from the jaws...
People are often frightened of Parisians, but an American in Paris will find no harsher critic than another American.
One of the people I voted for this morning was named Lee Botts. Her campaign slogan is HER BOTTOM LINE IS CLEAN WATER. Someone tampered with the sign she had in front of the school, and now it reads L...
My feet are completely flat, but for most of my life they were still shaped like feet. Now, thanks to bunions, they're shaped more like states, wide boring ones that nobody wants to drive through.
Mijn vader houdt van jazz en heeft een uitgebreide verzameling platen en banden waarvan hij vroeger als hij uit zijn werk kwam kon genieten. Hij kon met een rothumeur binnenkomen, maar als hij Dexter...
Increasingly at Southern airports, instead of a good-bye or thank-you, cashiers are apt to say, Have a blessed day. This can make you feel like you’ve been sprayed against your will with God cologne....
In binghamton, new york, winter meant snow, and though I was young when we left, I was able to recall great heaps of it, and use that memory as evidence that North Carolina was, at best, a third-rate...