You can never really trust someone who remembers every embarrassing detail of your adolescence.
You were right, everybody hates my new car. Becky said it was a goth dorkmobile.
Why aren't you girls out stealing hubcaps or shoplifting like normal children?
Dear Josh, we stopped by to fuck you but you didn't answer the door. Therefore you are gay. Sincerely, Tiffany and Amber.
Please allow me the honour of allowing you to bestow upon me a blowjob.
He always accuses me of trying to look'cool', I was like, 'everybody tries to look cool, I just happen to be successful.
C'mon, let's go in my room and abuse drugs and stuff!
- ...before I was going to college, my secret plan was to one day not tell anybody and just get on some bus to some random city and just move there and become this totally different person. - Then wha...
Maybe I'm just sick of putting more into this friendship than I get out of it.
The trouble is the kind of guy I want to go out with doesn't even exist... Like a rugged, chain-smoking, intellectual, adventurer guy who's really serious, but also really funny and mean...
I was a very fearful little kid, and I would always see the worst in everything. The glass was half-empty. I would see people kissing, and I would think one was trying to bite the other.
Maybe what I really wanted, I began to think, was a stronger sense of fellowship... I thought about my friends and about how I didn't have any...
You're the type of guy who always snaps at some point and becomes a mass murderer!
I will be the biggest, richest, most popular writer in history. You just watch, dead reader. I'll be the biggest whore ever!
You try to make the world a better place and what does it get you? I mean, Christ, how the hell does one man stand a chance against four billion assholes?
Everybody just lets the media do their thinking for them... that's why you'll never hear any reggae on the radio!
God, it drives me crazy when I know exactly what I want and I can't find it anywhere! It's like does anybody want my money!? I mean what the fuck!?
That's the biggest part of doing comics: You have to create stuff that makes you want to get out of bed every morning and get to work.
Face it, you hate every single boy on the face of the Earth! That's not TRUE, I just hate all these obnoxious, extroverted, pseudo-bohemian art-school losers
Bring me your Nortons, your Kramdens, your housewives, and sewermen. Weight my limbs with the nests of your flotsam, that we may chirp in chorus this melancholy anthem.