You can never really trust someone who remembers every embarrassing detail of your adolescence.
You were right, everybody hates my new car. Becky said it was a goth dorkmobile.
Why aren't you girls out stealing hubcaps or shoplifting like normal children?
C'mon, let's go in my room and abuse drugs and stuff!
Dear Josh, we stopped by to fuck you but you didn't answer the door. Therefore you are gay. Sincerely, Tiffany and Amber.
He always accuses me of trying to look'cool', I was like, 'everybody tries to look cool, I just happen to be successful.
Please allow me the honour of allowing you to bestow upon me a blowjob.
- ...before I was going to college, my secret plan was to one day not tell anybody and just get on some bus to some random city and just move there and become this totally different person. - Then wha...
The trouble is the kind of guy I want to go out with doesn't even exist... Like a rugged, chain-smoking, intellectual, adventurer guy who's really serious, but also really funny and mean...
I was a very fearful little kid, and I would always see the worst in everything. The glass was half-empty. I would see people kissing, and I would think one was trying to bite the other.
Maybe I'm just sick of putting more into this friendship than I get out of it.
You're the type of guy who always snaps at some point and becomes a mass murderer!
Pussey, you're worse than a hundred girls!
This is the Mona Lisa of bad diners.
Maybe what I really wanted, I began to think, was a stronger sense of fellowship... I thought about my friends and about how I didn't have any...
I will be the biggest, richest, most popular writer in history. You just watch, dead reader. I'll be the biggest whore ever!
You try to make the world a better place and what does it get you? I mean, Christ, how the hell does one man stand a chance against four billion assholes?
God, it drives me crazy when I know exactly what I want and I can't find it anywhere! It's like does anybody want my money!? I mean what the fuck!?
Everybody just lets the media do their thinking for them... that's why you'll never hear any reggae on the radio!
That's the biggest part of doing comics: You have to create stuff that makes you want to get out of bed every morning and get to work.