Important things are inevitably cliche, but nobody wants to admit that.
If you don’t quit following me, I will kill every man you’ve got. I’ll burn down your house and rearrange your furniture. I will not pray for you and not for your children and not for your children’s...
I sometimes wonder how many hours of my life I have wasted bitching about keyboards. The use of keyboards and synthesizers is the Roe v. Wade of '80s metal. It was-without question-the lamest instrume...
I have more CDs than 99 percent of America, but fewer CDs than 40 percent of my friends; if an acquaintance has more CDs than me, I feel intimidated and emasculated. I think about my CDs a lot. I find...
I don’t think we have any idea who we are. I think we’re engaged in a constant battle to figure out who we are.
I believe that time is like a train, with men hanging out in front of the engine and off the back of the caboose; the man in front is laying down new tracks the moment before the train touches them an...
Her nomination for vice president in 2008 represents the most desperate inclinations of the Republican Party. In two hundred years, I suspect historians will use Palin as an example of how insane Amer...
By now, everyone I know is one of seven strangers, inevitably hoping to represent a predefined demographic and always failing horribly. The Read World is the real world is The Real World is the read w...
But regardless of the direction you move, the central problem is still there: Why do it? What’s the best reason for exploding the parameters of reality? With the possible exception of eating a dinosau...
But here’s the thing: He didn’t get hung. The man climbed on a wooden watercraft and collided with North America by accident. It doesn’t matter what happened afterwards or what his motives were. He fo...
As of the writing of this particular book, I have 43 close friends,* 196 good friends,** and 2,200 affable acquaintances.****These are people I would phone immediately if I was diagnosed with lung can...
As of right now, I am in love with her, and that love is the biggest problem in my life.
All the world's stupidest people are either zealots or atheists. If you want to truly deduce how intelligent someone is, just ask this person how they feel about any issue that doesn't have an answer;...
According to population expert Dr. Paul Ehrlich, we should currently be experiencing a dystopian dreamscape where survivors envy the dead, which seems true only when I look at Twitter.
A homeless man once told me that dancing to rap music is the cultural equivalent of masturbating, and I'd sort of fell the same way about playing John Madden Football immediately after filing my incom...
If you're doing an interview, you need conversational tension. After you talk to them, you're not going to have a relationship with them, they're not going to like you, they're not going to be your fr...
Accelerated culture does not respond well to the nonobvious.
Who Am I? Or (Perhaps More Accurately) Who Else Could Be Me?
What music means is almost completely dependent on the people who sell it and the people who buy it, not the people who make it. Our greatest artists are the ones who understand how they can be intere...
We live in an age where virtually no content is lost and virtually all content is shared. The sheer amount of information about every current idea makes those concepts difficult to contradict, particu...