I could stand on my head and flick the bean right there at the dinner table and my mom would be all, Honey, Christmas is family time, we should be together and make me finish in front of everyone.
She looked like she was being towed through the store by two submarines, said Simon. Major hooters, said Troy Lee. Major-league hooters. Tommy said, Can’t you guys see more in a woman than T and A? No...
I would not have Drool reading Cicero or crafting clever riddles, but under my tutelage he had become more than fair at tumbling and juggling, could belch a song, and was, at court, at least as entert...
I would paint more farms, said Toulouse-Lautrec, but they always put them so far from the bar.
Tú haces lo mismo, intentas reconciliar a todas las madres que ha sido mamá: la que querías que fuera, la que era cuando la necesitabas y estaba ahí, la que era cuando no te entendía. . . La mayoría d...
You're right, I have taught you nothing. I could teach you nothing. Everything that you needed was already there. You simply needed the word for it. Some need Kali and Shiva to destroy the world so th...
Il mattino dopo, il primo pensiero di Tuck fu: Ho un aereo da prendere. Il secondo: ho il cazzo rotto.Succede. Hai un'irritazione intima - emorroidi, crampi mestruali, malattie veneree, la vescica inf...
Is she special? (asks the gay waiter) I thinks she's going to break my heart On arrival of the girl The flannel is fine honey,but I have'nt seen anyone that over accesorized since batman!
It's about average for us. Behavior always draws more than survey. We're the sexy ones,' Nate said with a grin.Amy snorted. 'Oh, yeah, you guys are the Mae Wests of the nerd world.'We're action nerds,...
I’m Asian. She wasn’t Asian, but there would be a metric fuckload of Asian girls on the bridge for him to think were her. Ten minutes. Don’t jump, okay?
Liebe - von allen fiesen Streichen, die einem die Ironie des Lebens so spielt, der bei weitem fieseste.
Mankind, I suppose, is designed to run on - to be motivated by - temptation. If progress is a virtue then this is our greatest gift. (For what is curiosity if not intellectual temptation? And what pro...
Tuck watched the sun bubble into the ocean. Columns of vertical cumulus clouds turned to cones of pink cotton candy, then as the sun became a red wafer on the horizon, they turned candy-apple red, wit...
When it appeared that even the most passive-aggressive attempts would not work, Charlie resorted to the ultimate Beta Male Attack, which was to tolerate Alvin and Mohammed's presence, but to resent th...
Not the scream of a startled little girl, mind you, but a manly scream: the scream of a fellow who has caught his enormous dong in a revolving door while charging
Oh, we are but soft and squishy bags of mortality rolling in a bin of sharp circumstance, leaking life until we collapse, flaccid, into our own despair..
We'll help, said one boy, his finger far enough up his nose to tickle a memory nesting in his frontal lobe.
People, generally, suck.
Raziel! Go forth into the land and lay waste unto two good-size Wal-Marts, slay until blood doth flow from all bargains and all the buildings are but rubble — and pick up a few Snickers bars for yours...
Religion was supposed to be a matter of faith. Gods were not supposed to jump on your desk and snarl at you. They weren't supposed to sit in your office smoking cigarettes. God's didn't do anything. T...
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