Christopher Moore Quotes

Drowned, dead, duplicitous slut!

Every time you smell peaches, a ghost just got his rocks off.

Everyone is happier if they have someone else to look down on, as well as someone to look up to, especially if they resent both.

Fine, as the tailor said to the broke and naked knight, suit yourself.

Go away. Your feet are misshapen and your eyebrows grow together in a threatening way.

He crossed against the light, limping slightly under the weight of the subtext.

He had risked his freedom and his pride to buy her this, to acknowledge that part of her that everyone else seemed to want to get rid of.

He invented Kung Fu when translated to English means method by which short, bald guys can kick the bejeezus out of you.

He’s not dumb, Biff, he just has a talent for belief.

How we doing on the Beatitudes? Pardon me? The blesseds. We’ve got: Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness; blessed are the poor in spirit, the pure in heart, the whiners, the mee...

How would I feel, he thought, If I woke up and she was making love to me? Why I believe that I would be pleasantly surprised.

I fear you may become a lonely man, even in the company of others.

I want to be Moses. You can’t. Why not? I have the stick. Oh.

I was seven before I realized that you could eat breakfast with your pants on.

I would not have Drool reading Cicero or crafting clever riddles, but under my tutelage he had become more than fair at tumbling and juggling, could belch a song, and was, at court, at least as entert...

I would paint more farms, said Toulouse-Lautrec, but they always put them so far from the bar.

I'm fucked.We're fucked. Together. Like Romeo and Juliet, only we get to be in a sequel.

I've got to think that that was unethical, Joshua said.Josh, faking demonic possession is like a mustard seed.How is it like a mustard seed?You don't know, do you? Doesn't seem at all like a mustard s...

If you're going to learn, you need to forget what you know.

In my time we had very few words, perhaps a hundred that we used all the time, and thirty of them were synonyms for guilt.