Christopher Moore Quotes

So, have you seen Flood? she asked. Cop? She added cop with a high pop on the p, like it was a punctuation mark, not a profession

You think you know how this story is going to end, but you don't.

My name, said Mr. Fresh.Pardon? Charlie stopped tying himself up.I dress in mint green because of my first name. It's Minty.

My children are monsters, Kiro thought. And I am responsible. Perhaps if I had read them the haikus of Basho when they were little instead of that American manifesto of high-pressure sales, Green Eggs...

Inside, I was like: Ha, suck my spiky rubber strap-on, vampyre hunter!

Ooo ahe-e, I aya oa a, she said in yawnspeak, a language - not unlike Hawaiian - known for its paucity of consonants.

Do we still have to floss? Tommy asked. I mean, what's the point of being immortal if we have to floss?

My skin cleared up! I don't have a single zit. -TommyDing, ding, ding, Jody onomatopeed, signaling that Tommy had hit on the correct answer.

And he was like The sedative in the blood, blah, blah, four hours, blah, blah, nerdspeak, geektalk - -Abby

So, like, the master needed a hand, if you know what I mean, so I was like, Oh chill, it's a stress thing, everyone does it. I'm flicking the bean under the table right now just to dial the tension ba...

Hope is bulletproof, truth just hard to hit

Inspector, there's no smoking allowed in here, said a uniformed officer who had been called to the scene.Cavuto waved to the drawers [at the morgue]. Do you think they mind?The officer shook his head....

The next day the weather was blown out, with whitecaps frosting the entire channel across to Lanai and the coconut palms whipping overhead like epileptic dust mops.

Pondering is a little like considering and a little like thinking, but looser. To ponder, one must let the facts roll around the rim of the mind's roulette wheel, coming to settle in whichever slot th...

She had a lot of nerve signing her note Love. [...] But she sign it that way: Love. What did that mean? Did she mean it, or was it habit? She probably signed all of her letters with Love. Maybe not.

Actually, orcas aren't quite as complex as scientists imagine. Most killer whales are just four tons of doofus dressed up like a police car.

[Acknowledgments] I recommend them all for further reading, but when you're finished, you may have to read several of my books and watch a lot of TV just to get stupid enough to function in the modern...

Kayso, Foo finally came home and I jumped into his arms and sort of rode him to the ground with a massive tongue kiss so deep that I could taste the burned cinnamon toast of his soul, but then I slapp...

She glanced over her shoulder to look at the forty-foot cabin cruiser where Captain Tarwater posed on the bow looking like an advertisement for a particularly rigid laundry detergent - Bumstick Go-Be-...

[Author's Notes] As I write this, September 2002, much about the humpback song is still unknown. (Although scientists do know that it tends to be found in the New Age music section, as well as in trop...