Christopher Moore Quotes

So, have you seen Flood? she asked. Cop? She added cop with a high pop on the p, like it was a punctuation mark, not a profession

Inside, I was like: Ha, suck my spiky rubber strap-on, vampyre hunter!

And he was like The sedative in the blood, blah, blah, four hours, blah, blah, nerdspeak, geektalk - -Abby

My skin cleared up! I don't have a single zit. -TommyDing, ding, ding, Jody onomatopeed, signaling that Tommy had hit on the correct answer.

Do we still have to floss? Tommy asked. I mean, what's the point of being immortal if we have to floss?

My name, said Mr. Fresh.Pardon? Charlie stopped tying himself up.I dress in mint green because of my first name. It's Minty.

You think you know how this story is going to end, but you don't.

So, like, the master needed a hand, if you know what I mean, so I was like, Oh chill, it's a stress thing, everyone does it. I'm flicking the bean under the table right now just to dial the tension ba...

My children are monsters, Kiro thought. And I am responsible. Perhaps if I had read them the haikus of Basho when they were little instead of that American manifesto of high-pressure sales, Green Eggs...

Jody noticed that the kid was focused on the breasts, which were defying gravity, and apparently death itself, by standing there at complete attention

She had a lot of nerve signing her note Love. [...] But she sign it that way: Love. What did that mean? Did she mean it, or was it habit? She probably signed all of her letters with Love. Maybe not.

Ooo ahe-e, I aya oa a, she said in yawnspeak, a language - not unlike Hawaiian - known for its paucity of consonants.

Hope is bulletproof, truth just hard to hit

Inspector, there's no smoking allowed in here, said a uniformed officer who had been called to the scene.Cavuto waved to the drawers [at the morgue]. Do you think they mind?The officer shook his head....

Careful crossing the street, Tommy called back to her as he crossed. [Jody is drunk]Ha! Jody said. I am a finely tuned predator. I am a superbeing. I -- And at that point she bounced her forehead off...

I was all, Oh, dog, Countess gonna crack open a forty of whup-ass on you now. Oh, you in the sh*t now, wigga! (I am not incline to use hip-hop vernacular often, but there are times when, like French,...

She gave him the wide, green-eyed expression that she would have described as I will slap you so far into next week that it will take a team of surgeons just to get Wednesday out of your ass.

She have to go pick up prescription, so I watch Sophie for short time. And tiny bears are happy when I go in bathroom.Hamsters, Mrs. Korjev, not bears. .... I've got her now, Charlie said. One of you...

Like last year I took Advance Foods class (which is like cooking for nerds) after lunch, and so I usually took a nap. Which was fine, because I'm not even thrilled about regular foods, so, you know, w...

Then he looked at my T-shirt and saw Byron's picture on it and he quoted She Walks in Beauty, which is like my favorite poem next to the one by Baudelaire about his girlfriend being nothing but worm f...