“ My feeling is this whole country is founded on the principle of 'if you are not hurting anyone, and you're not fucking with someone else's shit, and you are paying your taxes, you should be able to ju… Adam Carolla
“ You don't realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It's a card you get so you can navigate society. Adam Carolla
“ Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor. Adam Carolla
“ The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I'm just gonna tell her, 'Be a staff writer for a sitcom… Adam Carolla
“ I don't think healthcare's a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is. Adam Carolla
“ I don't have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other. Adam Carolla
“ I think we're getting to the point where everyone's getting fat and everyone's getting allergic, or claims to be allergic to something and people can't walk from their front door to their car without… Adam Carolla
“ If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you'll have a good life. Adam Carolla
“ In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff. I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer… Adam Carolla
“ All's the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way. Adam Carolla
“ If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they'd be off TV. They're not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we'd know who she was? Adam Carolla
“ Maybe I'm delusional but I'm usually funny. It's not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average. Adam Carolla
“ When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn't imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every… Adam Carolla
