My first car was a motorcycle.
My feeling is this whole country is founded on the principle of 'if you are not hurting anyone, and you're not fucking with someone else's shit, and you are paying your taxes, you should be able to ju...
I didn't have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.
You don't realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It's a card you get so you can navigate society.
Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.
You can be an expert on anything if you just use logic.
Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
It's funny when you're a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.
I don't have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I'm just gonna tell her, 'Be a staff writer for a sitcom...
I don't know anything about computers.
All's the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.
When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn't imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every...
I think we're getting to the point where everyone's getting fat and everyone's getting allergic, or claims to be allergic to something and people can't walk from their front door to their car without...
If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you'll have a good life.
In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff. I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer...
I swear my car won't run unless I'm picking my nose: At least, I'm that superstitious about it, so I don't want to take any chances.
Maybe I'm delusional but I'm usually funny. It's not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
I don't think healthcare's a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.
My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and...