“ My feeling is this whole country is founded on the principle of 'if you are not hurting anyone, and you're not fucking with someone else's shit, and you are paying your taxes, you should be able to ju… Adam Carolla
“ You don't realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It's a card you get so you can navigate society. Adam Carolla
“ Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor. Adam Carolla
“ I think we're getting to the point where everyone's getting fat and everyone's getting allergic, or claims to be allergic to something and people can't walk from their front door to their car without… Adam Carolla
“ Maybe I'm delusional but I'm usually funny. It's not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average. Adam Carolla
“ The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I'm just gonna tell her, 'Be a staff writer for a sitcom… Adam Carolla
“ I don't think healthcare's a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is. Adam Carolla
“ All's the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way. Adam Carolla
“ I don't have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other. Adam Carolla
“ My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and… Adam Carolla
“ If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you'll have a good life. Adam Carolla
“ In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff. I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer… Adam Carolla
“ People look at me, and they go, 'You're white, you're smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.' Adam Carolla
