I’ve heard 14 year old meth addicted thai prostitutes say more prescient things than the woman that was supposedly a professor
WAKE UP! WE'RE LATE FOR DRINKING!!
This may come as a shock to some of you, but I have a slightly volatile personality. I don’t suffer fools well.
She is trying to convince me that she never does this and is not that type of girl. It was difficult for me to understand. Her enunciation wasn’t very good with my dick in her mouth.
FUCK. This is not good. I'm allergic to whiskey. I think maybe I should explain this to her, and request a different alcohol. Then I remember that I am awesome. Even fighting through anaphylactic shoc...
Did you hear the nonsensical prattle spewing from her pie-hole?
Credit, youre jewish, your best friend is black, and your girlfriend is a cheating whore. Even if I wore gay, I'd still have it better than you.
The poet John Ciardi pointed out, Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at women and persuade themselves they have a better idea.
The first step off this downward spiral is to acknowledge these bad feelings as natural. When women feel this way, our society has sympathy, and Oprah gives them cars. But when men feel this way, our...
Here’s to the women we’ve met, and to the women we’ve fucked, And to those amongst us who’ve had no such luck. Here’s to beer in the glass, and vodka in the cup, Here’s to pokin’ her in the ass, so sh...
You look like the type of people who would criticize a misspelling in a suicide note.
You ever met one of those guys who, in a totally calm and composed way, can scare the shit out of you? Like an MMA fighter, or the fat Kardashian sister who married Lamar Odom?
While at the University of Chicago a couple of friends and I went to dinner at some restaurant in China Town night. Oblivious to the fact that my idiocy can be heard outside of a five-foot radius, I s...
The rules your parents teach you to live by are very different than the rules the world actually runs by. Most of the conventional wisdom is not only wrong, it's a lie told to us by people who want to...
My favorite random email I got was from some guy who wrote: Mr. Max, with the hope of a six year old on the night before Christmas asking about Santa, I ask the same question: Do you really exist?
I could never kill myself. What if it doesn't work. Then I'll have failed at the only thing that could save me from my failures. Where do you go from there?
You play crotch roulette, you're gonna hit double zero once in a while.